oldie but goodie...

ps the book is awesome too.

"A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there."

"Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch.""

"In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself."

"Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries."

"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."

"Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain."

"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding"