so i will be frank in saying this summer wasn't all that i had hoped it to be... i only finished making 2 .mp3's outta 3 songs i wanted to create this year, and one of them was only really a remix(sadly, i had gotten caught up in being lazy, and just playing my capcom emulators to death)... i still haven't finished making an .mp3 for the 2k1 senior song i did during that graduation... and school is approaching and i still haven't felt that i have accomplished all that i wanted to... such is life... you plan, and overshoot... of course, it's not that i can't songwrite while in an apartment in davis, but it's harder... i like doing this hobby of mine in complete silence... i still haven't finished isaiah yet either...

on the other side, this is what i mainly got outta this summer: before you do anything for God, you need to make sure that the urging IS coming from God, because if you aren't sure, you're probably NOT doing it for God... Christianity is living out of the center of God, and checking back on him for guidance at every step of the way... become impulsive servers, and perhaps you have lost being connected to that center...

going through the spiritual disciplines has imparted this to me: grace is free, but you must work for it... or maybe i phrased that wrong, but the idea is that God graciously gives you this freedom from sin, and you spend the rest of your lives trying to mold yourself closer to the image of God... i've also come to realize that the whole point of the disciplines is to do this, of course works alone don't give you salvation; the robber next to Jesus went into heaven just due to a proper change of heart at the right time. so why do them? JOY... that's why... often we get caught up in the drudgery of Christian practices, but the thing to remember is that God wants to give us JOY, and it is found in keeping the way of God and drawing closer to him... nothing else does it, and nothing else will satisfy... what you get is an inner peace that transcends ALL understanding... sometimes i scold myself all the time for not making the practices a daily part of my lives(i don't pray and meditate as much as i would like, and certainly don't fast that frequently), but i forget that the whole point of the disciplines is JOY, and if i am getting overwhelmed, i should just learn to relax and really relish the disciplines... God doesn't expect us to meditate 24/7 or pray for that long either... he DOES hear us... remember, do these things because you love God, and then he'll give you an unrelinquishable sense of joy...

i've also come to realize that my CTCC college friends are MUCH more deeper than i've taken them to be... i've seen tim and norman both get interested in Christianity, and sam is coming back too, all of which touches me... i wish all these, and all the others best of luck during college...

Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory -Psalm 115:1
(this is also one of Chris Tomlin's worship songs)

i wanna faith like that... to see the dead rise, or to see you pass by, oh i, i wanna faith like that whatever the cost... i'll suffer the loss, oh i, i wanna faith like that -Jonah33

so long you guys... it's nice knowing you... we'll get together again someday though... til then, God bless...

apparently the wireless card i picked up works... i'm getting high speed internet at home even though we're not paying for it... kinda a hard concept for me to get used to right now :D it's a weak signal, but a signal nevertheless... i'm not gonna push my luck dling cs 1.6 though, i have a feeling they'll find out :D

i guess i'm the last one to head up back to school; jon's heading up today...

recap of my summer to come later tonight...

btw, it seems lately God has a sense of sadistic humor... it feels like summer(don't any of you bay area ppl feel that lately it feels like hell around here?), even though fall's approaching, and i did say i didn't want summer to end... haha... nt God, but i wanted my SUMMER BREAK to not end... i get the idea though...

saying's one thing... doing's another... let's see if what i've picked up during the summer will end up being a practice of mine...

lord i give you my heart, i give you my soul, i (want to) live for you alone...

jeff deyo, former leader of sonicflood, wrote and remixed that song...

so sad to watch all the college friends go, 1 person/day... but it is true... it's like a photo of the last supper with all the disciples slowly fading away into nothingness until only jesus is left... except jerm isn't really jesus, but you get the idea...

ok, i'll talk later, since i wanna finish up this songwriting stuff...

*sigh*... time just ticks faster than you'd wish it did... and to top it all off, it seems that as my time for going back up approaches, the more things i realize i'll have to buy... *sigh*...

um, i think i'll just forget making and finishing a totally new song(2 days is VERY little time to do such a thing), and instead finish the 2 senior songs i did(promised sam i'd send him both), as well as see how far i could finish that worship song i created a while back... next quarter i'll work on this song i was thinking about... i think i'll make the main subject "not getting it" or something like that, cause often i think ppl just don't get it... it's what i got from my summer mostly, and what i wanna convey to remember that...

ucla's college football's defense sucks... wish it didn't, but eh... oklahoma scored on a punt return, that pretty much shows how much it lacks...

btw, i saw this brand name for a pot @macy's while shopping for a 3 qt saucepan, and it was called "fagor..." heh heh...

oh yeah, the new afleck commercial where a bald guy is hypnotized then commanded to become a duck cracks me up...

am gonna finish "celebration of discipline" today... i wish i'd really make their principles a huge part of my life... if you were to look at all the disciplines as one big segmented wheel, mine would be lopsided, very sporadically changing it shape here and there... do i practice some of the disciplines? yes, but it's hard...