man, i dunno what it is with me, but i've been getting blessings and blessings from god this week. and i'm not talking about the "oh, i managed to wake up in time for class even though i hit the snooze button stuff," or "i should've gotten a parking ticket, but i didn't," it's even better than what happened last end of fall quarter. i'm talking about the stuff related to fasting and prayer i did this week. granted, my fast was over yesterday afternoon, but it's enough to show me the power of fasting, prayer, and meditation, all working together. if that isn't something worth talking about, what isn't?

i'll probably pay some extra hours for it tonight, as i've got a lab due tomorrow and other ish, but it's worth it.

i'll just cut and paste the entries i made today... you gotta read it to believe it... plz be patient and read both entries... i hope that you will gain something from it and be encouraged further from it... whatever i quoted was what i wrote directly out of my diary... as King Nebuchadnezzar best put it in Daniel 4:1-3,

To the peoples, nations and men of every language, who live in all the world:
May you prosper greatly!
It is my pleasure to tell you about the miraculous signs and wonders that the Most High God has performed for me.
How great are his signs,
how mighty his wonders!
His kingdom is an eternal kingdom;
his dominion endures from generation to generation.

(this one i started out seeing another weakness of mine, and then it just made me sadder and sadder thinking about it; in case you don't know as I reference in the entry, me, jon, jerm and sam all have a small group thing we do every tuesday night outside of msm and whatever-church-group-sam-goes-to-in-ucsb)
(begin quote)
I see another weakness of mine; I get easily ensnared by the prospect of new things. In some cases, this is good b/c as a genetics future wannabe, it’s good to want to know more and explore and find out more. But this is also bad, b/c it means I am that much more easily ensnared by the “treasures” of this world.

In the case of fighting games, that means I can so easily be ensnared by a game I haven’t tried mastering or playing. As of right now, I am hooked upon the ol skool versions of SFII. It ended up distracting me during my MCB class b/c I started thinking and replaying the matches I played against someone @the MU instead of the class subject.

And I also see this wanting of temporary, new things in the way I buy stuff sometimes. Always wanting new things, never satisfied with what I have; is everything I buy that useful? Is this the meaning of the 10th commandment? To not be envious of what we don’t have? Or the 2nd commandment? This is terrible. Nothing I have tried is really that new, that satisfying in the long run. I can say all I want, but fighting games are basically pushing buttons and tapping joysticks. Music is basically hearing the same notes played in different rhythms; it’s JUST NOISE! Basketball is pushing a stupid ball through a new. And all these things get us angry or saddened just b/c we can’t do them consistently? Useless. Lacking.

Soloman was right(Ecclesiastes 1:8-10); nothing is new. AT ALL. How weak I am. How lacking my soul is. I guess I could tell the others tonight about how I’d feel, but they’d probably brush it off, saying “oh, we all have wants” or “as long as it’s in proper perspective with your placement of God first,” but really now, do you realize how much we think of finding joy in these things?

I guess I really don’t know where I’m going with this; I don’t know exactly how God is going to rid or diminish my want of things new or that I don’t have, and I’m not trying to say we all should give everything away and just be like monks. I guess what I could do is bring forth this issue as a confession before the other guys tonight and ask them to forgive me on part of God, as well as to ask God to begin that work of being content only in God.
(end quote)

(you needed to read the above to truly appreciate the entry i made below; i then spent a long time in prayer just griping to God, and then spent some moments in meditation, trying to let God speak to me; what followed was just gold... i don't know how else to put it... this meditation experience felt the most real to me out of anything i've done; it was like me and god were talking to each other without words; i was adding something with my imagination to the vision, and he was doing the same)
(begin quote)
(We all know that imagination allows us to use our mindpower to create images in our mind, and that it’s a suggestive way to meditate before God, but what I’m about to say next felt more like a communication w/God w/o words, making this feel so genuine, like no other meditation experience I’ve ever felt. I’m trying to recreate the imagery as best I could, but some of the words I said or heard couldn’t be remembered exactly.)

I just had the most incredible meditation experience ever; I was contemplating how sinful I was for wanting temporary things, and then God just took my imagination and used it for his glory. I saw the personification of James 1:22-25 and John 6:33-37;

I was standing in front of a large body-long mirror, which was the perfect law(as seen in James), and then saw my hungry, thirsty self. I looked dead, shriveled, gray. And then I complained to God, saying “How can I ever change myself? I am just so weak, I can never be satisfied. I know I need you, but I don’t know how.” And I said some other things along these lines.

All the while, Jesus was in the same room as me, slightly behind me, looking at me and the mirror. And then after hearing me, he tells me, “Then I’ll become a part of you.” He turns into a slice of bread, then says, “Take me and eat me, and I’ll become you(or a part of you).” But I protested, saying, “My Lord, please, no! My vessel(body) is weak and imperfect! You don’t want to dwell there!” And Jesus replied, “I love you too much. I can’t let and see you go hungry like this again. I’ll let my body be broken and destroyed so that I can live in you and be a part of you. That way, you will become perfect b/c I dwell in you and am perfect myself. You just need to believe in me, and that I can do it.” I said, “Lord, I believe; help me to believe,” and then took him and ate him.

The vision ended there, b/c I started thinking(by myself, not visions given to me) about whether Jesus would come out of my body as poop, but that b/c he’s perfect no poop would come out, so then I basically decided to just open my eyes.
(end quote)