for a while, the post i made yesterday will be THE post of the year for me... there is nothing like having god grant you a miracle... you don't need to be on a deathbed, you don't need to be spiritually ill; if you've got a need, and the faith and persistence to pull for it, god will deliver. that of course, doesn't mean god's a genie. but then again, IF you've got a NEED...

however, i would like to say something about fasting(seeing how it's one of my steps in my n.y. resolution towards nurturing my relationship towards god better); i was so uneasy about checking my grades that i waited til yesterday to check, seeing as today school started. so i decided to fast for ~24 hrs yesterday just to show god this was something i really cared about; no food til 12 AM(i would've done it earlier, but then i'd have to explain to my mom why i was fasting @home). i mean, take a look at verse 21(look at the footnotes); fasting and prayer have always went hand in hand in biblical times, why not?

to have gone so long w/o trying to fast, and then suddenly try it, i was so tempted to snarf down the remains of the breyer's reeses ice cream in the fridge; but then i had to clamp down upon myself and say NO; STICK IT TIL THE END... apparently, i depend more upon food for comfort than i believe; if it weren't for my rediculous metabolism, i might be 180 lbs now... it reminds me of what richard foster said in his book of disciples; what you are made of will come out when you fast(which is why from now on if i want to fast i'll start by foregoing dinner, seeing as it's my biggest meal i eat out of a day; bigger challenge i guess); if you're angry @heart, it'll come out; if you're lazy, it'll come out; me, i guess the temptation to give in or become sleepy(?, but true; felt like taking naps) kicked in... also weird was that near the midday, i didn't feel hungry, but had HEADACHES instead... (i know, i know, after a while of fasting, you don't feel hunger pangs, but that's like after 7 days)... and the point is not to see how tough you are, but what you need help in... that's something i'll have to think about when i try it again... i'm also thinking maybe dinnertime + 24 hr fast(ie something of a 30 hr fast) would be good here, maybe even add another day, to really see what i'm made of.

it's strange, really, i have always hated the anger that is part of me, and yet, somehow, i can use it to motivate myself too. hard to describe, but basically, i'll start internally yelling at myself when i'm tempted(you may wonder why i'm saying this; it's partially how i was able to get myself through the fasting), or slacking.

to close, maybe habitual fasting will help show me back something that i've been missing all along in christianity... it is, after all, pretty hard to stack everything self-operated christianity is upon study, prayer and meditation...

*had a bout of insomnia yesterday, despite knowing that god already took care of me... i think the apt heater was too hot for me; jerm and jon are just too pampered @home... they should live in my house... then they wouldn't even want to turn ON the heater; not that i like my stingy-mom's attitude towards saving money either...*

*denjin hadoken rocks btw, and all the good players @the mu playing 3rd strike are top tier whores... sad; all i see is chun-li and ken... mostly ken...*

*i'm thinking of getting the mark tremonti power wah... in the future... distant future...*

*ROFL! watch the vid!*