actually met joe chung on monday at target... that was a surprise.

cupertino library's pretty nice... best thing is probably the huge aquarium they have downstairs. at first i thought they didn't have microsoft office on their cpus like saratoga, but i was wrong.

btw, i think heat's gonna win over lakers... or at least i'm hoping it turns out that way.

i need to mail packages more often; i have no experience doing this stuff; next time i try to mail phil a gift, i need to actually WRAP the gift before going to the post office; i thought they would wrap it at the post office... boy was i wrong... but since i already accidently paid for the postage, and had the guy slap it on before i could say anything, it would've been a waste of 5+ dollars to go back home, wrap it, then come back... it's PRETTY obvious what i'm giving to phil...

----------------------------

there's nothing we can do to earn god's grace... there is everything we can do in a lifetime to show our thanks for it

but then, what is prayer then? it's not "earning god's grace," yet we know that prayer can change lives... so i've gotten weird thoughts about this... yes, the whole point of it is to talk with god, and yet...

what about the issue of selfISH prayer? i know god favors the selfLESS prayer when it comes to others, but what about the selfISH prayer? yet, i've known that he's granted these before, so you can only hope.

but no matter what selfish reason you approach god for a request, there's at least 2 things you're doing right for in this case; 1) you acknowledge that he alone has the power to change things (and your life), and 2) you acknowledge that he alone has the mercy to want to change things to help you. i like to think about hezekiah who was granted 15 extra years to his life, or the leper who approached jesus and said, "jesus, if you are willing, you can make me clean."

and where is the line of FAITH and OVER-CONFIDENCE? where's that lie? james states that when we ask for something from god, we must believe, or it's highly unlikely that we won't get anything. but how do i judge between what is true faith, what is being insecure(as opposed to knowing i have to pray more), and between that and what is overconfident?

then there's the matter of abraham and issac; in this example, we see that abraham desperately held onto the faith that issac would be saved, but ultimately trusted in god more to say, "ok, i'll obey you." however, i don't think all of us when we trust in god, will get our "issac" back, per see.

jesus himself in times of anguish stated that what he should've said was not "father, save me," but "father, glorify your name" of course, what all of us want to say is, "father, save me, SO THAT you can glorify your name." i don't think that'll work that way though.

which makes me all the more perplexed, afraid, and hoping that god will take care of my future, and HOPEFULLY, my plans match his. *deep sigh of distress."

i guess even though i know almost no one reads my blog, i'm still afraid to post my greatest sins on here.