some blogs that i meant to put down for previous dates, but didn't have access to high-speed internet(well, there's one disadvantage to being not in Davis, if any)

10/26/02

deep thinking time:

Now i'm gracious that i actually had the oppurtunity to come back for the weekend and did; Mike, Wes, and Jerm were all there at church, and while we didn't really do anything, it was Mike's plan to talk about his experiences and what he wanted to pass onto us college freshmen as well as Sam and Tim that was the kicker. i was thinking, God, it's so good that Mike's here telling us this. anyways, he basically told us that so many ppl jump into relationships or want a friend who is a different sex. but at the age of around 18-21, you're probably not doing it for marriage, so for what? and if you seriously think about it, would you really want to be involved in something which you know is going to end? would you be comfortable telling your friend, i want to have a relationship with you just to see what it feels like? no, of course not. the fact is ppl are searching for the temporary things, and they think that that's all there is to life: work your way up to get money, get a lover, have children and die. the problem with ppl today isn't necessarily that they don't believe in God, it's that they don't take the time to sit down and deeply think.

here's something that might enforce this thinking; think of the cross as our relationships with each other, the 4 basic relationships of a christian: the 2 side extensions are spouse/lover and peers respectively, the one on top is your leaders, and the bottom are the ppl you lead. now if you concentrate too much on your lover when you're still developing, you're ignoring 3 aspects that would greatly influence the way you are, and what God wants you to be.

and believe me, God, i am so thankful for what you told me through Mike tonight. thanks for the message. thank you for everything you gave me and how far you've brought me. now help me not to forget this, ever. give me the strength, willingness, and love of you that you want me to have. help me to love worshipping you and communicating with you, and to never let this desire die down, but to continuously feed it the fuel needed for it to keep burning brighter and brighter(like the proverb that i noted beforehand). amen.

10/27/02

technically, this should be 10/26, but i'm writing this very late, so i guess that's the irony of it, if any.

anyways, actions speak louder than words. why am i repeating this cliche? because the presence of God is not reflected in how many things we spew outta our mouths. it's reflected in how i think everyday when i'm NOT reading my bible or playing my guitar. it's reflected in whether i take a few quiet moments each day(whenever i can) to think of what i'm sensing and it's connections with God or what he's trying to tell me. in a sense, it's like bob said once, "God is most real in your everyday life." i can tell everyone that on my profile that i say that God is my #1 priority in my life, but unless if i prove it to you by how i act, it's nothing more than me just being another present-day Pharisee. isn't that why so many ppl get turned off by Christians? they're in your face, telling you this and that, then they lose their lover and lose it. or adversity comes down in their face and they cower before it. which brings me to another thought...

what makes you think God can't do what he wants? ok, so he's merciful, but don't you think he knows so much better than we do? so we get pissed when we fail our midterm or get a B or something. or when we lose our lover. and so we biatch about it, thinking why, why, why... i'll tell you why; God knows better. and who can tell God, what have you done? God is God, as Steven Curtis Chapman put it, and like so, can we tell God what to do? no... of course not. of course, not to say i'm above any of you, i struggle with problems like these a couple of times, since i DO have my dreams and such. but if we feel that it should only be about us, you have forgotten to try to see things the way God would see it. don't ever doubt God's strength; what makes you think his arm is too short?

CTCC youth group is crumbling apart... i sense it. in fact, i sense impending doom, drawing closer and closer each day in just about everything... i need to have a word w/God...

i have a feeling we're all growing and maturing with wisdom... mike feels that the next time we gather together, we're probably going to be talking about DEEP things, rather than shallow things such as farts and CS. i feel it too; even though some of us(like me) have kept deep thoughts under rapts, maybe it'll all just come out soon.

finally, i close with this thought... we don't resolve problems in the world by b***hing about them; we solve them by actions... it doesn't matter whether they're small actions or large actions, but if we keep at them, they will make a difference. you may not see the difference you make, the results might not even be reaped in your lifetime, but they WILL be reaped. don't tell me what you want done... SHOW ME.