stupid abc sports up here in UCD cut to mavs-kings during the spurs-lakers game... and stayed there... damn you... i wanna see the lakers go down live... spurs are on a NASTY run right now 4th quarter, up 20 pts... everybody's just rebounding the crap outta the lakers... i love this... lakers could go down tonight... and you have to switch to mavs-kings!

highlights:
ginobili takes it in, and crosses up shaq! hahaha!
so much rebounding, offensively and defensively and point-denyage... that's for sure... how many times have i seen duncan put it up, miss, get his own rebound, and put it back in?
kevin willis with the put back... oh damn

the staples center is seriously SILENT when i was last watching... if i come back from eating and they have come back i'm gonna lose it... spurs are just clicking... duncan's got more than 36 pts, 9 rebounds!

of all achievements, i can now spin my pen around my thumb a lot better... it's not perfect though... the key's to keeping your thumb stiff and not moving it at all... all the action comes from the fingers

lately i've been shirtless whenever i'm in my dorm... indeed, UCD IS getting hot... summer IS coming... so sad... how time flies by so quickly...

A-Groove Bison = V-ism Akuma... i wonder if i should play some at the MU... i'm afraid to get owned though...

Ecclesiastes 11
my chapter of the day...

man... sixers < pistons... on GOALTENDING!

aaaannnnddd.... playoffs are once again bittersweet... spurs > lakers(so close near the end... good game, and good momentum build up for the 1st half... at least it looked like it was enough to cushion for a win), but mavs > kings(damnit! i thought the kings were on a roll the 1st half too! you guys have to finish strong!)

damnit... one of my sandals breaks RIGHT when i get back from showering... that is bull... nike you suck...

Switchfoot - Meant to Live (LIVE)

Brown wishes MJ would join sixers
Seriously, that'd be sick... AI DOES admire MJ... having him be VP of sixers would just be tight... for me, if he went to warriors or magic that would be tight too...

booo... nj sweeps boston... and the fact that it came from a double overtime in which walker fouled out the 1st one, and paul pierce missed the clutch jumper that sent it into 2nd OT didn't help either... because that meant that game was MUCH, MUCH too close for them... lakers and spurs tonight... go duncan and ginobili!

where'd time go? i feel like yesterday spring quarter began... and last week winter quarter began...

uh, gross, but meaningful lesson i wanna shout out below, read at your own risk, don't say i didn't warn you:
for my toenails, i usually let them grow about 2-3 weeks' worth before cutting them; this is much different to when i cut my fingernails every 1-2 weeks... because of this, long nails have a greater tendency to bend... thus, for my toenails, they bend towards the skin... so essentially, all the sweat and heat that comes up from the free skin below the nail gets trapped... it makes that area smell really bad, cause it's almost like anaerobic bacteria work on the coagulated sweat there... it's like smelling cheese that has a strong odor, but worse(don't worry, i shower, but since the nails are long, stuff gets not cleaned there, maybe i should)... so when i cut my toenails, it actually exposed those areas to the air... the very 1st cut i made with my clippers immediately made me smell the odor... that's how strong it was... and my face was a good 1-2 feet from my feet... i had no idea it could smell that bad... your toes can smell ok after a shower, and yet, you clip em, and the odor just hits you in the face...
you see, sin's a lot like that... you think you're ok, you're fresh and clean, you just came outta the shower, whatever... your cleaning has to come from the inside... God needs to expose your insides, the filth inside of you in order for you to be really clean... does the outside still matter? yes it does... but it's much easier to clean the outside than the inside... the inside is a 100x harder to clean... but it must be done... your very spirtual life and the act of God smiling upon you lies upon it... however the difference between a spiritual inward cleaning and hygiene inward cleaning is that the spiritual inward cleaning takes so much more time... you can't just whip out the clippers to clean the filth... it's like a lifelong surgery... without anescethetic... you need to experience the pain, to get over it in order to be really clean... and after the operation, you'll still have to fight those urges... like a urge to spiritually smoke... or to spiritually act like an anorexic or bullemic... you get the idea...

yes! sixers even it up... ai had some 30+ pts and 11 assists... team bball man!
ditto w/kings... man... they raped the mavs... YESSSS! i thought they were crap after cwebb left, but kings again prove to me that they are seriously the most versatile team in the nba... they have so many good players, that they could play with 3 injuries... unlike, say, the lakers, who would go down if shaq and kobe were injured... sam's right... your luck against the mavs pretty much comes down to whether their perimeter shooting is hot that night... that's all they are... perimeter shooting... they are NOTHING if they can't shoot from the 3 pt line

again, i can't stress how bad i feel for duncan and the spurs... he collected 36 pts, 9 rebounds, but he got into foul trouble, and that's when the lakers came back... he also missed 2 key free throws IMO, and the game was within reach of them, they just let it slip... one point they were +16, for the most part in the 4th quarter it was always -3 to +3

weird in the morning how when i glance right at my aim buddy list that i don't see bob's sn... prayers go out to you man

Rebecca St. James - I Thank You
Sonicflood - Lord Over All
Chris Tomlin - Not To Us

great when you have close friends who are switchfoot lovers... i finally got a GOOD version of "Meant To Live!" steven, if you want it(if you're internet connection is rather quick), feel free to aim me about it

dude... mandy just writes... and writes... and writes... and writes... in her site... crazy... if ppl like her didn't have online diaries, they would get carpal tunnel within the 1st page of a diary...

i feel like i'm always struggling between what i'm supposed to do and what i want to do... i hate this... my dad never had laziness genes... why me? maybe it's my mom... lagger... as it says in the bible, sin is punished to the 4th generation... i dunno how true this is... does God still punish sons and daughters just cause someone else sinned? i thought Jesus clarified that the blind man's dad or mom didn't sin, but that he was born blind so that God might be glorified in him. or does it mean that our genes for sin are passed down to the 4th generation, therefore we get the same punishment for those sins? i'm pretty sure israelites didn't have a word for "gene" back then, hence why they could've used simpler language. hmm...

how can you see what's good inside of me? all i see is soot, blackness, dust, ugly, evil thoughts and tendencies... how do you, the author of all that is good, see the good in me? (because i love you, son... i don't care how much you sinned against me, or what you've done... i want you just as you are... i can change you... i only ask that you give me your heart and soul)

eh... that's all from me this morning...

playoffs update:

sixers: 1, pistons: 2(sixers > pistons last game :D)
spurs: 2, lakers: 2(lakers > spurs last game... damnit, it was so friggin close; duncan worked so hard, they lost it on inbound passing and not passing to their open man)
nets: 3, celtics: 0(man... walker is just being abused by martin, it's not funny *sniff*)
mavs: 2, kings: 1(kings may lose this series just because cwebb got injured *sniff*... damn mavs, go down already)

i find this surprising, but i may end up supporting spurs more than any of the other playoff teams right now... mainly cause their playing against lakers, but i really respect duncan... he's arguably the best big man right now(and i like big men who can do a lot for their team, except for shaq)... i think he got the MVP award, so some may even think he's better than shaq... and unlike shaq, he's willing to give up the ball, acting like a team player. his bank shots are really good too. other than that i really like ginobilli... the guy's got style, unlike most of the other spurs... and bowen has a better 3 pt % than his free throw % :D
(basically, unless if kings pull themselves out of their slump, sixers come back, and celtics make a miraculous 4 win streak comeback, i'm rooting for spurs... well, i could support detroit, cause i like ben wallace, but they're playing against sixers right now, so that'll have to wait)

playing cops and mexican illegal immigrants with the hide_and_seek map in CS is hecka fun... me, jerm and tim had a blast... either pretend you are the mexican immigrants and try to cross the california border, or that you're la migra and need to stop those idiots w/o a green card... sam, luigi, jon, you guys should seriously try this
(when i told laura about it she laughed and said "you guys are crazy")

ReCharredSigh killed jerm with m4a1
(...another kill, then get killed)
*DEAD*jerm: damnit rich, you're just killin me today
*DEAD*jerm: and yesterday
*DEAD*ReCharredSigh: haha
*DEAD*ReCharredSigh: haha
*DEAD*jerm: somethings wrong w/ me, maybe my fingers are getting tooo fat
*DEAD*ReCharredSigh: haha

damn... celtics lost, spurs lost...

wanna know just how unique my online name is? do a google search, and you'll find all the areas i've made a mark in... i'm in the gamefaqs.com's "most contributed" writers list! currently #89! only cause i do quantity over quality...

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies"
John 11:25

Even for those who are dead inside? Wow...

somewhere in between all the nba playoffs, midterms, late night csing, grade-worrying, vf-watching and sf-playing my inner spiritual self yearns to come out... but it never gets a chance here in davis during school session... because either there's too much work, or i give in too easily to understand what is valuable... i'm pitiful... i come in here from high school thinking i'm gonna remain strong from my summer spiritual growth, and it's torn to pieces in less than six months... so what if i'm going to church and fellowship... i haven't touched my guitar for such a long time, and usually how often i touch my guitar is analagous to how much i desire to worship God...

let's do some reasoning here man:
more time = worship session
earlily finished studies/work = more time
organized work schedule = earlily finished studies/work
not wasting time = organized work schedule
going to sleep early = not wasting time
playing CS late = - going to sleep early
therefore, i am just jacking myself...
where's the self control man?

Switchfoot- Meant to Live
------------------------------------
Fumbling his confidence and wondering
Why the world has passed him by.
Hoping that he's bent for more
That arguments and failed attempts to fly.

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside.

Dreaming about providence and
Whether mice and men have second tries.
Maybe we've been living with our eyes half open,
Maybe we're bent and broken.

We want more that this world's got to offer
We want more that this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life.

man... kings prob lost this game... -20 or so, what's worse, if cwebb is out for the rest of the season, they're gonna lose the playoff finals chance... *sigh* damnitdamnitdamnitdamnit... man...

sixers lost to pistons too... man... ai, those 2 free throws meant EVERYTHING...

i should stop playing SFA3 for a while on my laptop, or at least shell out the money to buy a joystick... ykno how i keep saying my thumb callous is harder than my finger(aka guiar) callouses? there's clear white on my thumb... that's how bad it's gotten

haha... family guy's so funny... i should look for more dl's... the one where Peter gets a new son's hilarious

that VF4Evo movie i dl'd was the shiznit... total edit skill...

Reaction Test Game

good for uping your fighting game and cpu gaming abilities

louis is funny:
(taken from his profile)
here's a mental test for you
1) How do u put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Open the refrigerator door, put the giraffe in and close it.
2)How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
wrong answer: open the door, put in the elephant and close it.
open the door, take the giraffe out, put in the elephant, close the door.
3)The Lion King is hosting a animal conference, all but one show up. Which animal does not attend?
the elephant, he's still in the refrigerator
last one, better get this one if u didn't get the first 3
4)You must cross a river, but it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you cross it?
You swim across, the crocodiles are at the conference
hehe, owned

sam IS right... espn doesn't suck up to anyone, or cut to anyone in the crowd and stuff... go sixers... make your comeback! (they're down right now... they better mount a comeback)
maybe my attitude towards the spurs will change slightly... it seems i'm taking a liking to ginobilli, that guy is pretty good, and somewhat flashy to boot... i remember watching him getting 2 lakers with his under-the-rim dunk... i still like duncan the most of the spurs though... you know that guy would be considered the best center hands-down if it weren't for shaq...

me: guess which t-shirt i'm wearing right now
luigi: uh oh
luigi: hehe
me: haha

i'm starting to like "the last ninja" the game... it was an ol skool game on the cpu which i never got how to play, but now that finally figured out how to play it it's very entertaining... too bad it doesn't run on my xp laptop... but it runs on my 98 win cpu @home... the series actually goes all the way up to "the last ninja 4- the return" which is gonna be released on the xbox... man... makes me wanna get an xbox... not to mention vf4evo's on the xbox...

i wish i didn't have to sleep or eat in order to remain healthy... those two things take so much time out of your day... then again, if humans didn't need to eat or sleep we would add so much more stuff to do each day, so that wouldn't be any better...

3 packs of guacamole left in my dorm room, 2 packages of dried bananas, 1 and a 1/2 packages of dried pineapples left, 1 package of tortilla chips made w/avocados, 1 package of tortilla chips... and jon's sobe, which i never drink... oh yeah 3 oranges, a couple lollipops which i have never touched(i should throw them away), and a chinese-style raisin pie, which i haven't opened yet...

aye, round 2 of playoffs has been bittersweet for me, on one hand spurs won for the 2nd time against lakers(bowen was just knocking down threes like crazy, and the lakers got into foul trouble early, not to mention ginobilli was just dominating them, go ginobilli!), and kings take a 1-0 lead over mavs, but detroit is 1 up on philadelphia, and nets have been 2-0 against celtics...

this is the first time the annual evolution SF competition is gonna be expanded to host a lot more fighting game genres... VF4Evo will be there! woo hoo! (well, actually it won't matter for me anyways cause i won't attend, and if i do, i'll just get rocked, but it's kinda cool knowing the US is more acceptive of VF now)

ow... VF4Evo Sarah Bryant combo vid made by tragic is 100+ MB in size... ZIPPED... this is gonna take awhile... it better be good...

my lack of self-control is making my college experience unbearable...

back to my paper...

sometimes i feel that me and jon are playing tag-team as to who gets up earlier and who slumbers through the morning... it used to be all me getting up earlier, but recently me and jon are passing the torch back and forth.

bittersweet playoff yesterday; nets > celtics *sniff* although it was a close one; good try celtics, just don't trash talk, and keep on trying harder... battie and walker fouled out :( but paul pierce almost had it too; that tying 3 could've made the big difference... even had a nice open look... he even said it felt good coming out of his hands and he had a wide open look... but good game guys... it was close...
but spurs > lakers, and ginobilli even got a piece or two of some lakers going under the rim for an tomahawk dunk... aside from duncan, jackson and ginobilli are pretty good... those two are the flash of the team, which is why i somewhat like em, although i still like duncan more, cause he's such a good big man... prob the best center in the game...

linkin park - figure... it's a good song...

maybe it's just me, but linkin park, for all their artistic creativity, only talk about problems... i greatly respect and relish their works(they blend turntabling, freestyling and heavy alternative rock very well together, and their poetry is very good, but all they ever talk about are problems, never solutions... they don't talk about sex and stuff, but it's always inner problems... NEVER solutions... i'm wondering, do you necessarily have to be dark because heavy metal is considered dark?
("and now you've become a part of me, you'll always be my fear, i can't separate myself from what i've done, giving up a part of me, i've let myself become part of you")

man, everyone who says they have switchfoot - meant to live for download really have a cut-off version of switchfoot - more than fine...

some expected movies:
X-2: maybe wait til kids quiet down about this one before watching it?
Matrix 2: i'm there
Bruce Almighty: heh heh, this would be awesome to see; Jim Carrey's very funny...
T-3: i dunno... i'm assuming it's gonna be crappy... but it's the Terminator! i remember growing up with T-2 memories...

SFA3 Ryu and Evil Ryu BGMs rox :D

detroit > orlando... which is bittersweet, cause i like ben wallace, but also tmac even more... i knew it was bound to happen sometime or later though; you can't win a championship on only 1 person. ok, 2, cause of drew gooden, but still...

and mavs > blazers, which kinda blows... KINDA...

oh yeah, btw on friday i saw littleduckiesgopeep; heh heh, i had to say that... basically i was walking back to my dorm and saw these ducklings near a duck couple, some were even right under the mother... so cute... amazing... they look pretty neat, some were yellow, with a tint of black, etc. kinda cool just watching them. watching how God lets nature play out... some photographer started taking pics.

yay YAY! celtics advance over pacers.... go battie! go watch the speed stick highlight; he just STUFFED the pacers 3-4 times in one of their possessions; man... whadda blocker...

fave 2K3 NBA playoff plays:
amare stoudamire's fake throw over, pump fake right then dribble left past duncan for the reverse jam
battie's 3-4 blocks against the pacers
pollard comes up from behind and rejects malone's EASY layup
coleman's block on davis' tomahawk dunk
kg's alleyoop
kenyon martin rejected by rim :)

...man... sixers really ARE playing team bball now... i truly believe it... on defense they just know when to swat... offense they know how to run the ball...

haha... hulk hogan looks so much like captain america now; just give him a shield! haha...

and lakers advance :(

didn't get a free scoop of ice cream cause i was too lazy; shouldve just went right after i ate at the cafeteria; oh well; the pocket change i save up could easily buy a scoop as well, although it'd be a pain for the cashier(imagines laying down 200+ pennies... ouch)

i finally found a SFA3 combo exhibition video which showcases some of the more common V-ism combos, and then some other flashy combos; yea... go V-ism Akuma! i wish V-ism Ryu had a demon flip equivalent... then he'd get some serious midscreen VC power... his corner VC's better than V-ism Akuma though... oh well... makes me wanna actually get an arcade joystick for my laptop...

got whupped in our clan match... and btw why don't i ever get a call from my church counselor here in UCD? uh oh... did i leave the ringer off on our dorm phone? *smacks head* i should check to see, cause yeah...

JRich got in trouble w/the cops?!?!?!? aw man!

my soul aches to go home, because sometimes it feels like i'm striving for nothing... college is better or worse than high school depending on your point of view; if you soak info up like a sponge, then it's better cause you don't have to go to class if you want... but if you're the type which has trouble with tests, you'll die... instead of grading you in little spurts, they pack your grade(and indirectly, your future) into 3-4 tests... high schoolers, if you're reading this, be EXTREMELY glad you're in high school, and that they grade you the way you are...

31 baskin robbins:

free scoop of ice cream april 30th from 6 to 10 pm...

let the mooching begin, haha...

also:

iron chef comp for the CTCC yg this friday... interesting... you remind me of when i had to taste-test the cookies you guys made, haha...
bob: you weren't around back in the day
bob: when I was still in yg
bob: and there was a cookie baking contest
bob: where Eric Huang made cookies
bob: with breath mints and tic tacs and fruit loops on them
bob: and they were burned
bob: so gross
me: haha
me: i guess all the candy melted together?
bob: yeah, that
bob: plus it looked gross
me: haha

oh yeah, the actress they hired to play Lady Deathstrike for X-2 looks too nice(and she's prob not even japanese, unless if Hu is a japanese name)... the comic Lady Deathstrike looks a lot more butt-ugly, like Spiral... i'm serious; don't believe me? take a look:
Marvel Comics: Lady Deathstrike vs. Cap America
And this is the actress who plays her

man....

lakers > twolves tonight...
(although kobe had a creative dunk; reverse pump-fake layup, except he jammed it in afterward)
pacers > celtics tonight... in OT too!

ouch...

my favorite NBA playoff plays so far:

game 3 Kings v Jazz: Pollard comes up from behind and swats away Malone's easy layup into the crowd
game 4 Sixers v Hornets: Coleman blocks Davis' tomahawk dunk(that was just crazy... almost anyone blocks a power dunk you have my respect)

notice how so far they're all blocks :)
go celtics, sixers, magic, twolves, and kings!

and no bob, i can't see into the future, though i wish

can you feel me?
do you hate yourself
yet never learn?
do you get up
only so you can fall right down on your face?
i lose sleep
then overgain it
i see sand run dry
and my time's run out
there's a crowd
and they just wanna see
me fall again
so they can benefit from my loss
where are you when
i need you?
i thought you were my strength
when i was weak
where's my hope?
cmon and help me back up
but don't let me fall
let me rise with you
til we're high above everything
(i didn't even mean it to sound nice rhythmically, in case you're wondering, just jotting my thoughts down)

Life After Now's interpretation of the contemporary worship song In the Secret... while the editing's pretty bad(looks like all they used was a mic far away from the amp), and i think the riff doesn't match, because it goes up about 1 key and doesn't match the tempo, this is basically what the song would sound faster-paced, the way i'd do it:

Go here, and click on one of the In The Secret links

davis weather's pretty whack... i thought davis was very environmental friendly, so i'd get REGULAR weather here, and yet it's raining at the end of may! well, then again it may be those damn sac ppl driving back and forth... kinda like the comparison of LA to riverside

booo... twolves and lakers are 2 apiece...

Good Charlotte - The Anthem; though it's much like the stereotypical punk rock song, i like it cause of the DJ turntabling effects during the beginning and the middle of the song sound very nice, when they do some scratching with some distorted guitar power chords... now if only they worked that effect more into the song, they would be labelled as somewhat creative by my standards, which are undefined as of right now by me

osterfag... such a slow ass clumsy baller, he keeps losing the ball... i am stunned that the jazz even won this game, the kings were doing some really stupid things, like double teaming too much, giving the jazz wide open shot-knockdown oppurtunities... they also kept going into the key when the entire jazz team was in there... you guys lost an easy victory guys, seriously... peja just choked on a three too; air-balling the shot completely... i hope the kings come back and whup the jazz game 4; it's not necessarily that i like the kings THAT much(although i do, mainly cause of bobby jackson, and maybe cwebb and/or bibby), but i dislike the jazz; they're a buncha old geezers still playing bball...

what else... the whole jazz team just tries to get fouled, it's annoying me... play the damn game, none of this crap...

haha... on the plus side, scott polland had a NICE block on malone's easy layup, that was just crazy; he just came up from behind and BAM! knocked his wide-open layup into the crowd with a huge swat... you still have to give the jazz credit on that play though, cause a very nice bounce pass set up the mailman for that attempt at the shot

just some final thoughts about spiritual stuff before i go to sleep, since jerm sparked a conversation about it:
-my life's been stagnant; basically, i don't feel incredible joy when i do spiritual stuff; i haven't gotten a lotta time to do really good worship by myself, have trouble reading the bible and keeping up the goal of finishing the entire bible, and haven't been talking with God by prayer as often... do i think that these things make the christian? of course not... legalism isn't what christianity is all about... but if i can do them with incredible joy that i WANT to do them over and over, that shows my love for God, and as for right now, the love's not there...
-i also am thankful that jerm wants to be my accountability partner, that means a lot
-summer i'm gonna crank it up, that's for sure
-also, summer, we're gonna do some serious stuff w/the CTCC ppl

ok that's it; stupid ISDA company won't let me dl Budokan - The Martial Spirit even though EA doesn't even sell the game anymore, and the fact that I actually own the game, just not on a disk that would enable me to play it on my laptop

sooo tired... but i can't sleep... i must not...

i'll write later, when i can muster a bit more strength, and when my 1:10 class is done...

both celtics and twolves win today,so i'm happy... bball-wise... chemwise, that's another story...

btw kenyon martin got his wide-open dunk blocked by the rim :)

go celtics... hope ya beat pacers today... block and rebound them out, battie! last time checked the lead they had was cut down to 4...

hope twolves deal lakers another defeat today... KG4-MVP all the way man! i'm betting shaq's gonna pass more this one when they double-team him...

if any of you are VF fans, i like today's daioh.com match segment... 1 really good sarah player... almost beat 3 ppl in a row, just utilizing smart poking(as opposed to flashiness) and finding good oppurtunities to land her combo starters for huge damage, as well as throws... too bad she eventually was beaten by a kage player, though that loss was a close one... very rare that i see a very good sarah player on those clips often... very rare... my other money character, akira, on the other hand, is seen pretty often, with very good results... ahh... i miss playing VF4 Evo up here...

you should take a look at the way ducks look when they sleep; not only do they sorta turn their head 180 and tuck it under one of their wings, they have a strange way of closing their eyes; a yellowish eyelid actually folds UP to close their eyes, and occasionally it'll open, then reclose... strange...

other than that, i hope i study well today; crunch time's today, and it's game time tomorrow... gotta go; plz pray for me if you can... later

CWebb's back incident

haha.... maybe i'm taking the article out of context, but CWebb was treated at UC Davis Medical Center! heh heh... imagine that... if i keep up what i'm doing and remain here, i might end up treating the Kings in the future!

yay for Twolves...

beat the lakers by 28 pts...

haha... no wonder why my bro wasn't around to answer calls on his bday... he went to the lakers vs twolves game! i wanna see KG! too bad they lost though... and with cwebb recently having troubles w/his ankle or back, that would spell trouble for countering the lakers this year... spurs, it all comes down to you man... do your work plz duncan...

more studying to come today... like it'll ever end...

maybe modify CS scripts, that's all the real entertainment i have planned today... songwriting comes weekend...

matrix reloaded: 5.15.03
T3: sometime during the summer

praise God...
i was feeling kinda down late last night, and even last night was tossing and turning on my bed in the very early morning because my soul was disturbed... after chem, i come back, eat, and when i'm returning, i see one of the most beautiful birds ever for a long time... i dunno how to describe it, cause i've never seen it before... it wasn't a duck, but it was a HUGE bird just walking around with that bobbing stuff walking birds do... its head(which was kinda tiny compared to the rest of its body)was this beautiful shiny green color... and it was just sorta bobbing around looking for things to eat, not really looking frantic... and as i'm gazing at it, basking in the bright sun, i almost sense God going "you see how i can take care of such a creature? and if you're that much 'better' than this creature, don't you think i'll watch over you even more carefully?" it really lifted my spirits just being there and watching this majestic fowl, walk around, carefree, beautiful to behold... and hearing God whisper to me... thanks a lot man, i won't forget it... (btw i think it's a peacock, except it didn't have the huge fanlike feathers protruding from its behind, so that the reason i have doubts about that)

at least that's one upside to UCD over UCLA... nature, as God created it... i tend to see animals i don't usually see at school back home(where all i could remember were seagulls)... and the last time i remember UCLA, it wasn't very grassy or had many trees. squirrels, blue jays, pigeons, crows, ducks, bushtits, peacocks... i've seen all of them... and all of them mystify and entrance me... the peacock especially inspires me though, since it looks so great compared to the other fowl i've seen on campus... but they all look so awesome, you HAVE to believe God made it...

nba final predictions update:
me: kings vs sixers
sam: kings vs sixers
wes: kings vs magic
bob: anyone's grab, but admits kings are fave for west, conceivably sixers for east (*grins* sounds like such a diplomatic answer, but adds not magic, according to him, which kinda sucks, but i think it's true)

bob: ...
bob: man, the East sucks
me: haha
me: that's kinda true

i change my CS configurations more times than a snake sheds its skin... almost got 2 usp 2 deagle kills 1st round today too to save the day for CTs, but i got killed by the last person, and so we lost that round...

maybe i should've gone home this week... it was easter, no one was around even for the church, and i did nothing other than some studying... maybe next time... mom even maybe thinks i don't miss her...

haha... at least my mom suggests not going to the chinese church right now's a good idea; i'm sure you've heard about the chinese-originated disease incidences... although my mom still doesn't like that i know more koreans than chinese right now...

4.20; happy birthday fill... clear your email box plz man...

"help me find the fracture in this dark sky" -12 Stones

current state of mind is very 0_0; i need to get my feeling of optimism and joy back... my best description is that i feel... stunned... unable to move... this is the toll you take when you realize how much things count for you this quarter... and how little you've strove to attain that goal...

the more i think about easter and good friday and their significances, the more i realize that indeed, i am thankful God died for me... the fact of the matter is, i still make mistakes... am i truly regretful that i made them? yes... do i do anything about it? i try, but often i fail again... but somewhere along time God realized those ppl with a true heart for him even sometimes falter and make mistakes... and what God wants most of all is to be close to us... please, easter and good friday as far as you are concerned has NOTHING to do with getting into heaven... it has to do with God being close to you... basically, if those 2 events didn't happen, God could not get close to us... if he did, we would be destroyed by his holiness... so he would have to consign us to a place where he would not even be remotely close to us... but that's not true, and so we are able to take great joy in knowing we can be close to God...

my nba final predictions: kings vs sixers
sam's nba final predictions: kings vs sixers
wes' nba final predictions: kings vs magic

nba playoff talk:

me: as much i don't want it to happen, twolves are prob gonna get stuffed by the lakers
me: KG can't handle shaq
me: only west teams that can are prob Spurs and Kings
wes: naw just the kings
wes: kings all the way
me: really? why not duncan?
me: kobe?
me: no guards that can handle kobe, or what?
me: haha... pretty evident you're using 56K... i'm waiting a long time for your response
wes: heh true but shut down all the other three and kobe and shaq can only score so much
(but wes; lakers ARE shaq and kobe :D)

wes: i think lakers and kings western championship
wes: and kings win in 7
me: for this year?
wes: yeah
me: hopefully they end their streak this year :-)

wes: it will be kings vs orlando for the nba finals :D
me: haha
me: or sixers
wes: no no no orlando
me: you and sam'll tear each other apart if they face each other in the east :-)
wes: tmac will kill everyone
wes: sam likes gooden so he doesnt hate the magic
me: but he likes AI, remember? :-)
wes: yes
wes: orlando and kings in 5
me: haha
me: i'm jotting this down somewhere :-)

me: haha... wes says orlando and kings in 5 for orlando this year :-)
sam: haha..
me: i think it's gonna be kings and sixers
sam: dammit
me: *hopefully*
sam: i was just gonna say that
me: haha
sam: put up in your aim profile
me: haha
sam: and we'll see our predictions
me: i think sixers > orlando, but wes doesn't think so :-)
sam: haha wes just likes tmac
me: haha
me: sixers are a better team now though
me: orlando is just tmac mainly
sam: yea...sixers got good defense
me: not that i don't like tmac
sam: and they dont depend on iverson as much anymore
me: that's true


me: wes also thinks kings > lakers game 7 for west champs
sam: that could be true
...
sam: yea...but spurs might beat laekrs
me: that's true
me: wes thinks kings have a better chance though
sam: they do but spurs will play lakers first
me: yea
me: haha... he told me kings can stop the "other 3" so kobe and shaq can't score as much for the lakers
me: but i didn't say this(and shouldve):
me: lakers IS kobe and shaq
me: so if duncan does his work, there's nothing
sam: haha

various bball talk:

me: haha... i wanna green sweatband... not that i like paul pierce THAT much...
me: just think it'd look cool :-)
sam: and you gotta wear it like jrich
me: of course, anything cool on a black guy = bad on me :-)
sam: where he covers his eyes
me: haha... i'll do that
sam: jrich wears his headband so low it almost covers his eyes
me: i'll buy one during the summer
sam: haha
me: haha... then get safety goggles for my glasses :-)
sam: dont forget we're gonna work on our game in the summer
me: horace grant + jrich
me: that'll just look dorky
sam: haha i was just gonna say horace grant
me: haha
me: let's get wes one of those blue leg things that tmac wears :-)
sam: haha thats a little too much

TERRIBLE....

woke up @3:40...

*sigh* right now i'm in my dorm and not fellowship because for some strange reason they didn't meet... ie i didn't see them, not that i knew fellowship was cancelled or anything... i just didn't see them at the agreed location... ok, next time please give me a clue when you wanna do that about 30 after 7, because not all of us are right-on-time type of ppl!

tv's broken... like stated sometime before... so, *sniff* no watching of nets and bucks today, or twolves and lakers on sunday... lakers better not win... it's a very low-chance of occurring wish, but... man...

you'd be surprised how different guys and girls write on their online not-so-personal journals... girls, it's just.... bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam... guys, well, take a look @mine for instance...

oh yeah... it's good friday... jesus died this early morning by asphyxiation leading to respiratory acidosis to cardiac arrest, ~1980 years back... i dunno what else to say about it... well, if it weren't for his gracious act, we'd all literally go to hell.
i think i can give you the whole gruesome details about why he died, cause i have a book, which medically does look at why he died, and there's huge evidence that states he died, instead of faking it.
but what motivated him? what would motivate him to agree to endure such punishment?
"Frankly, I don't think a typical person would have done it. But Jesus knew what was coming, and he was willing to go through it, because this was the only way he could redeem us- by serving as our substitute and paying the death penalty that we deserve because of our rebellion against God. That was his whole mission of coming to earth. So when you ask what motivated him, well... I suppose the answer can be summed up in one word- and that would be love."
-Alexander Metherell, M.D., Ph.D., as quoted from The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel

T-Mac's self feed alley oop is SICK... period...

CWebb's in-close layup was also sick as heck...

KG... damn... that clutch shot in seattle w/2-3 opponents on him was just crazy... haha... he also blocked ZhiZhi Wang!

haha... Kenyon Martin... just throws it down HARD

i wonder how times it takes for an old dog to learn new tricks... because I AIN'T LEARNING EM!!!

(this real-life conversation took place a while ago during spring break)
joe:so where do you go to fellowship in davis, recharred?
me:MSM.
joe:YOU GO TO MICROSOFT???!?!?!?!?

met a girl that i met @MSM at our arcade place... wow, what the heck was she doin down there? prob getting cash from the washington mutual ATM there, but still...

aztec, sat... it's going down... a logical progression of a timeline...

me: me = byron playing mahjong... that's what it pretty much comes down to :-)
laura: haha
laura: well you know how to read the charcters with is good
me: or just gaze at their pretty design :-)
laura: hehe
me: i can SOMEWHAT read some of the numbers
me: for the number suits
me: like 1, 2, 3...
me: after that, all that i learned goes blank...
laura: oh you should learn the rest
laura: it's useful
laura: or you'll keep throwing out the others
me: heh heh

dude... why am i taking naps like crazy now... something's wrong with me... winter and fall quarter i wasn't doing that... can you help me out, cause i dunno what's wrong w/me...
1)sick/allergies? i have a stuffy nose, somewhat... would this somehow affect my attitude towards work?
2)sleep? i've been going to bed around 1:30-2:00 these past days and waking up @7:30... but i've done that the past 2 quarters and wasn't dozing off like crazy...
3)overwhelmed with work? i haven't been keeping up with chem(enough), and i know the midterm's this next friday... also, been losing track of the readings for each class i'm supposed to do
4)lack of worship/communication with my God?
could a brotha plz pray for a miserable bro like me? i dunno what's wrong with me, but i want to change it...

the cause of headaches are inflamed blood vessels that push on your nerves in your head... so, does that mean a stuffy nose leads to inflamed blood vessels? i dunno... all i know is my day isn't THAT good cause i have a headache... i also don't wanna bust out the acetominophen aka tylenol in my stash somewhere in my dorm... i don't wanna rely on medicines...

*dead*jerm: damnit rich
*dead*ReCharredSigh: www.getoutjerm.com
(haha... i was waiting for an oppurtunity to say that in CS :D)

it's going down...
a logical progression of a timeline...

me: haha... this is prob the one cpu game(mahjong) you actually think is good eh?
me: and not evil?
laura: hahaha
laura: i dunno
laura: i dont' like games
laura: that i dont play with real people
laura: hehe in person i mean
laura: it's weird
laura: well i'm weird

*sigh*... now i'm just hoping the warriors finish strong... read something on nba.com about how the suns clinched the 8th and final playoff spot... but they didn't today... lost to LA clippers... man, sam's right... warriors have no clutch... everything else though... it went all downhill when odom hit that 3...

wizards lost today too to the knicks... mj's last washington home game... that disappoints me, but it's like collins said; mj's 40; he can't carry a sub-par team into the playoffs with that age... 25 would have been different(although i say 30 cause he had to gain experience instead of just dunking it on everybody to really get good... i loved his early 30s play, cause then he was just playing SMART... although i admit i never have seen his short-short days... he prob dominated then too)... i'm still wondering who's the next best bet for that team after mj... stackhouse... but who after him? lue? hughes? brown? i'll say it again; as far as experience goes, washington = chicago... still, desire and attitude over skill anyday, that's what mj basically said... heh heh... that gives me hope, cause i can't ball-handle at ALL

i heard somewhere about mj joining the wizards due to 9.11... maybe that's why he got the 9.11 american flag before the game...

and then there's the How Black Are You test... here's my results:

YOU ARE TRULEY BLACK MY FRIEND JUST A FUN LOVING
DIRTY SOUTH PERSON


How Black Are You
brought to you by Quizilla

the How White Are You test however is only one question; i could seriously make up a better one, heh heh:
6)What happened in episode 6 of Friends? :D(lists 4 answers, one of them saying "Friends... oh you mean my homies?")

heh heh... seriously i don't ever like seinfield or friends anymore... just white-ass shows... i'd rather watch rock, chappelle, the wayans, you get the idea...

Hella asian 100%


How azn are u?
brought to you by Quizilla

to be honest i think i'm more like 75% azn because i listen to rock(that's white, black if i do ol skool riffs) and sometimes hip-hop(that's black), watch the nba NOT because of yao ming(that's black), play a guitar(that's white), and play CS(that's white too)... well, VF could be counted as azn...

heh heh... lakers lost to blazers... both in real life... and at the arcades... hah hah... some guy was playing Lakers against the Blazers in showtime a while ago @UCD, and it dragged to overtime... then isiah rider made a crunch time shot at the buzzer, and it bounced a bit back and forth... and went in! blazers win by 1 pt! i had to turn away and grin when i saw that... yes...

Relient K- Chapstick, Chapped Lips and Things Like Chemistry... one of those music videos which when you watch, will go, HUH? oh well; it's still a catchy song...

Chris Tomlin- Famous One
Chris Tomlin- Unchanging

yea we raise up holy hands
to praise the holy one
who was
and is to come
-chris tomlin, "unchanging"

the more i think about it, the more i realize i'm a visual learner... even doing stuff requiring auditory learning like playing a guitar i picture how to play the melodies in my mind, having a visual eye of a top-down view of the left hand pressing the strings and the right hand picking... like when i was listening to "unchanging" and listening the awesome way the 2nd guitarist was doing fills, it was alll visual in my mind...

i'm starting to wonder if anger is ever justified as a christian... i feel that inside i feel that anger a lot often... if you're angry you're usually taking a large dislike to something... on the other hand you might argue us humans get angry at stuff that God would never get angry at, like how we hate the person, not the sin that the person does...

>_<

2:39 PM: luigi's away message: "ugh.....lao sai..........i'm dying"

college tests the best inside of you... i wanna rise to the occasion, but it's so hard...

me: heh heh; if your watch is stupid, then get a smart one; duh
alice: haha
alice: but i like the way it looks
alice: its permanently 3 hours fast
me: oh that makes everything better :-)
alice: its like nonadjustable or something
alice: at least its EXACTLy 3 hours fast
alice: not like 3 hours and 34 minutes
me: >o<
me: have you considered going digital?
alice: ehh
alice: those are ugly
me: at least my ugly, digital watch is ON TIME :-)
me: can't beat that
alice: haha well you see
alice: what i do is turn it 90 degrees counterclockwise
alice: read the hour hand
alice: then turn it back
me: haha
alice: and read the minutes
me: i just wanna see how you react when ppl ask you "do you have the time?"

the pitfall of capitalism is that someone will always be poor... the pitfall of communism is that it will never work as long as human nature is selfish...

decided to reorganize my list of bible verses at the top; felt by making them links to the verses it'd save some space... and it does...

what else... added the xiaoxiaomovie link to the various categories... xiaoxiao is a series of shockwave films of animated stick figure fighting... sounds boring right? not until you take a look; the movies look very close to a fictional martial arts fight... i give author huge props...

wow... it's raining in davis... and i thought of all places davis weather was normal(i thought that cause davis IS a farmer's land, and very environmental-conscious)

lesse... chem lab today... guitar, etc, blahblahblah...

whoa... wes' school was on lockdown yesterday cause someone brought a bb gun...

*sigh* outta dried fruit and fresh clothes... maybe expect to try looking at the Davis Farmer's Market tomorrow... one thing's for certain though; i'm gonna have to wash my clothes...

gonna break out my guitar tomorrow... no doubt...

God,
i find myself stuck the mud
like as before only now i've understood
like i've talked the talked
but can't walk the walk
if one thing i pray tonight
it's that you don't let me outta your sight
it's all about my strength within
help me to utilize my self-control,
amen

haha... joe played cs w/us for the 1st time! heh heh it was funny watching how he played... the way he snipes up-close ppl; the crosshair goes all over the place :D but i was surprised that he got a couple of sniper rifle kills on others... a lotta stuff that i would've done when i started playing @tap, i saw him do :D like full-trigger on the automatic weapons, or running with your primary weapon, etc... but it was fun, and i can tell he's learning fast... even likes the ak47 and m4a1 the best too.

clement also played w/us! heh heh and i snuck up to tim and knifed him while he was sniping from behind! hah hah(like that's ever gonna happen again) what else... i killed tim while he was talking! heh heh... then he said he was talking... heh heh... can't talk and shoot at the same time eh tim?

btw i did the newbiest thing today; aztec, i'm a T; bomb's planted, so i'm dealing with a couple of CTs and thins out to me killing 1, by then it's just me and a CT... i look at the bomb and there's a person over it, but i thought it was a T guarding the bomb... so the CT ends up defusing the bomb, and i end up being called a newbie... can't beat that... seriously, most terrible mistake i've ever made.

THIS cracked me up so much... it's old, but yeah... it's chris rock... can't beat that...

also... try THIS; it's Wu Tang Financial :D

boourns on the suns for beating the warriors... yay for the wizards on beating the heat...

expecting a guitar jam session tomorrow to rekindle what i was, and what i want to be...

wow... tim duncan gets the award for southwest's "high flyer of the week"! i didn't know he could do an alleyoop... maybe the spurs aren't so boring after all... pretty talented player...

gonna play some guitar friday, mostly sat though... that's assuming i don't go to the MSM retreat this weekend... about 7/10 chance i won't...

us bball team's gonna be pretty good; t-mac, bibby... ai... duncan...can't beat that...

laker fans are pretty stupid and suck up a lot... fobs just go to games to watch yao ming, they prob don't even know anybody else... so lakers w/ rockets games would be hilarious then eh? :D

me: next time rockets vs. lakers, pretend you're a fob :-)
me: if you're w/any laker fans :-)
sam: ()()
sam: 0

heh heh heh...

me: i remember when i went to the arcades @UCD; some guy was playing showtime and was using lakers; kobe and shaq
me: i was so tempted to join in as a warrior and kick his ass :-)
sam: haha you should've

...maybe i will the next time i'm at our arcade... i will always keep some tokens on hand then, heh heh

you suck lakers... you suck even more laker fans...

many things in this world aren't good or bad; they're neutral, and it's up to us not to let them get the best of us in order for them to be good... however, even if some things do get the best of you, that doesn't automatically make them bad... like school; school's a test to see what you've got...

the more i know, the stronger i get...

haha... i thought it was weird how laura's sn said she couldn't talk cause she was playing cpu games... so here's what happened after she came back after i threw a blurb:
laura: hahaha that wasnt me
laura: haha my friend was wreaking havoc
laura: haha
laura: on my sn
laura: DOh
me: haha...
laura: hahaha
me: oh ok... good... you're still laura
me: at least the laura i know
laura: hahah
me: i was thinking, "laura playing cpu games... this doesn't seem like her"
laura: hehe

me: btw i think UCD has some type of mahjong tourney coming up :-)
laura: whoa
laura: niice
me: haha... come up and wreck house! :-)
me: bring lydia along :-)
laura: hahahah
laura: lyda would kick butt
laura: hehehe
laura: i wish i could
laura: ya
me: hahahaha.... tru dat

i know i'm not the only one w/a guitar in my dorm building, just the only one w/an electric guitar w/a multitude of pedals :D the guy living next to my dorm has an electric guitar, then there's the girls on the 1st floor who play guitar and sing at the same time... i guess i should just be myself... i'm just afraid, that's all... i don't want THIS to die... my talent... God gives you something to use, and if you don't use it, he's gonna take it away...

i wonder what jews who have become christians go about the jewish holidays? do they celebrate them? they might do this cause it's their background, just like how we celebrate 4th of july as part of our american heritage. do they not? they might do this cause they're now christian, and it's unnecessary... i guess it's mainly up to them, but any takers on thoughts about this?

my nba underdog playoff count:
wizards are -2 behind the bucks for #8(i wonder how wizards are gonna fair when mj leaves... prob worse obviously, but i'm mainly wondering is, who's gonna step it up? stackhouse obviously, but who else? brown? lou? wizards seem so much like the the bulls right now to me; buncha fresh, young inexperienced players... the only difference is mj is on the team)
warriors are -3 behind the suns for #8... cmon guys, step it up! it's right there! keep that winning streak goin!

someday when i have the blingbling, i'm gonna buy another electric guitar, and this one's gonna specifically be used for when i need to play 1/2 step down, drop C#, that way i won't have to continuously retune my fender... maybe the pegs are worn out cause of that...

new verse for me to keep in mind:
1 Corinthians 8:13
Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.
(this is the verse that explains whether or not something is good or bad; i'm sure you have a lotta questions about what is good or bad in modern-day world; well, just apply the context of this verse)

"everything that i am you have given me; the lessons that i learn are bringing me home... YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN CAUSE I'M GOING HOME!!!" -12 Stones

evanescence's "everybody's fool" is an awesome song... too bad all the versions of the song that i've dl'd are corrupted, because all of them have these weird operator dial tones and scratching sounds on them... ah well...

i need to play my guitar at least by this weekend, just like i used to do @home... i'm afraid that if i let this talent sit in the dust any longer, i'm gonna lose my love of it, something that made me uniquely who i was during the high school years... maybe play a buncha riffs to get my left fingers going again and build up those callouses again...

...dude, why whistle when you can actually play the song you're listening to on your guitar?(ok, that's just some random thought of mine, i bet no one knows what i'm talking about)

ever stop to wonder how damn friggin fast time flies past you? i feel like last week i stepped on this UCD campus to dwell here for the 1st time... i had similar feelings during high school, jr. high, etc... heck, it feels like the last month i was still @regnart elementary school... if time slips through our grasp like sand in a palm, we can't depend on this life for happiness, because it'll just fade away THAT quickly... if 4 years can go by so quickly like that *snaps fingers*, then we better start considering whether there's an afterlife and what we can do to benefit for that time... eternity is pretty darn long compared to this life...

sometimes i wish i could turn back time and replay all my young-@$$'d years... so many mistakes, so much pain, so many memories to relive and remake and remold... but society is hard on you... it really is... God may have compassion on you... but the capitalist society doesn't... they either expect you to crank out better than a normal person to earn your bread... or suffer for it...

bottom line; don't waste your time... you'll regret it in the future... i wish i could gather up all my useless moments in my life, recycle them into fresh moments of life to add onto this life so i could do something cool w/them... if you're in jr. high or high school, please, PLEASE do something you love...

haha... @~12:08 PM this is the away message i see on joe's AIM profile:
"Please Do Not Disturb - Genius At Work!"

sam: aw you missed our cs practice
me: maybe i saw though
me: whatever... i think i'm gonna end up playing benchwarmer this one though :-)
sam: oh...well you should practice anyway
me: unless if jerm or louis can't play again
sam: haha youve played in more games than jerm
me: heh heh
sam: he's on the injured list
me: haha
sam: and you're earl boykins
me: haha

sam: ucsb can get annoyingly loud sometimes
me: really?
me: like what type of loud?
sam: yea the town i live in right next to campus
me: music? socially?
sam: the town i live in is a half college party students, and half mexican
sam: its kinda ghetto
me: haha
sam: but i have a decent apartment complex
me: so... mexicans don't party? :-)
sam: haha either loud white music, or sombrero music
me: hahahaha
me: sombrero music... that's funny...

this site's pretty cool; it's an archive of free, nostalgic cpu games... stuff like operation wolf(i remember me and sam playing this game on my ol skool cpu to death), deathtrack(too bad it can't compensate for the faster cpus, the game runs too fast)... etc... check it out... i think i might add it to my links later... and don't forget Guerilla War, aka "Shoot The Hostages" *big grin*... Budokan... that was a BIG one... Golden Axe(too bad the files went corrupt so soon)... Zany Golf(hey, it's mini golf on a cpu!)... i could go on and on... granted new skool stuff is good too, but i'm grateful now that i got to have a such a large nostaligic library of cpu games back then... no wonder my spacebar broke so easily back then... good thing i now have a gamepad... :) i even found SPOT! an othello-ish 7up game we used to have, but i had no idea where it went... so cool, so cool...

Home Of The UnderDogs

happiness, anger, patience, impatience... always yin then yang w/me... i just wish joy stayed more prominent and visible... i hate it when questions given for quizzes/tests are very vague... pisses me off...

i let the moment seize me
and i'm tainted again
trying to remain on a road
which is lacking no end
it's making me sick
tossing in my bed;
and how often my knee bends
in order to make amends

the waves thrash in my mind
and then i'm thrown overboard
to place of deep suffering
why does this happen to me?
if i had not run from you
this would've never happened
and still i always go back to my old ways

i find it hard as hell being who i am
trying to claw my way out of a big, large dam
it's not easy to do as you say;
living the life you want me to live
the road IS narrow; i see it now
and yet all i do is fall off it... ow
at the end i can't tell
which of us two hurt more
but i know for the record that it's not the end

please save me; i'm sick and tired

technically i got a head start on my 12 hr fast... i woke up at 11:45, and the fast is from 7 AM to 7 PM, so... a little over 7 hrs left :)

"looking down from above as you watch TV... wondering why, oh you're ignoring me... do you remember, remember when I came to you... and you loved me... and I'm waiting for you... and I'm waiting for you... why do you run, why do you hide oh don't you know i just wanna be to be with you... to be with you...
find a place of solitude, and I'll speak to you... as you pray to me... don't you know I'm waiting here, waiting for you to
read and hear my words... I'm waiting here missing the time the times we shared oh, please come to me"

Kutless- Run

so keep that in mind when you want to connect w/God during a fasting...

work/dedication day... nuff said... gotta start... later...

while i won't actually be @the call this saturday due to a large amount of work looming in front of me, i still intend to dedicate that day to God... so if there's a rare chance anyone from CTCC is reading this before then... i won't be there physically, but i will be there in spirit... i will be praying and attempting to fast around the same period(if i think i am up to it) for that day... 7 AM to 7 PM... hmm... i wonder if the holy spirit's gonna come down upon every single person @3 COM park... i guess then i'll be missing out on God's holy spirit... but i know God is omnipresent... if he wanted to come down on me too location is no big deal... i'll just have to keep my expectations and attitudes tomorrow high...

g'luck louis on your SATs... i'll/have be praying/prayed for you...

haha... sometimes philosophy classes just don't make any sense at all... according to the way how an argument being "valid" or "invalid" is defined right now in my current bioethics class, you can make the argument that since bush is president of the US, 2+2=4... weird huh?

MSM retreat... next week... $20... should i go? it might jack up my entire work schedule... ie playing catchup for 2 days worth in 1 day is quite a bit...

poems... these are interesting... i seriously have seen the same poem on laura's profile a couple of times... it's like her signature poem :) pretty creative i have to admit...

haha... is this for real?

click here

Seventh Day Slumber - I Know
Kutless - Run

the SARS stuff sounds kinda freaky... why the asian countries? perhaps lack of hygeine... often that's breeding ground for nasty stuff to spurt... also, consider that it could've been tied to the chicken virus incident in china a couple of years ago... maybe it made the jump from chicken to human... imagine what might happen if 2 viruses, one harmless but contagious, the other noncontagious but deadly were contracted by the same person at the same time... they might end up sharing the same genes to make a supervirus...

the more i go about my life, the more i see events that open old wounds, reminding me of how badly i treated my dad... like the SARS stuff gave advice to avoid contraction by wearing a surgical mask... that sparked an old incident i had w/dad when i was sick... i was selfish... my dad was still on chemo i think, but i insisted he wear a surgical mask instead of me... the right thing would've been for me to wear it... *sigh*... the more i think of it the more i realize I am the reason my dad's where he is right now... makes me hate myself even more... i know i'll never be settled with myself until i get to meet him in person and ask him to forgive me... *sigh*... there's just so much in the past that i wish i could undo... so much pain... selfishness... but all i can do is hope to make the present right, since the past is placed behind me now...

jerm's here... prob for 1 24-hr period... haha... he has trouble getting onto our dorm beds... mike and norm were watching and cracking up... not to mention from watching his nipples live...

THIS is pretty cool;

it's a freeware software system that enables you to create your own drum beats and then save them as a .wav file... very useful for musicians and songwriters, hint hint :)

it takes a bit to get used to though; i'm still fooling around with it, but it sounds a lot better than that clunky drum machine i have at home :)

i had it on my desktop sitting pretty for a couple of months, it's just now that i decided to install it and see if it was worth keeping... it is :)

ok, so i see Evanescence's album on sale @some christian music website... uh... does that confirm that they're christian? that's pretty cool...

(wake me up)wake me up inside...
(i can't wake me up)wake me up inside...
(save me)call my name and save me from the dark...
(wake me up)bid my blood to run...
(i can't wake up)before i come undone...
(save me)save me from the nothing i've become...

(um, yeah, i think i feel like that ^)

i'm beginning to think, if you can blend hard rock w/choir singing and it sounds good... there's really no boundaries to what you want to blend with in music... just that the melody and harmony must flow together... it's pretty cool w/me, cause it's encouraging me to look beyond what i've been thinking about music in order to create pieces...

Evanescence is such a funky band... definitely creative... it's like a blend between hard rock and choir singing... it's definitely an avenue not many bands venture into... go to mp3.com and hear "Bring Me To Life" and you'll understand... ironically, Paul McCoy, vocalist for 12 Stones is the guest singer on that song... which was funny, cause i thought it was some black dude on it... well, he sounded Mike Shinoda-ish on it...

btw both Evanescence and 12 Stones come from Wind-Up Records... so does this mean Evanescence is possibly a Christian band? the only hint to that is that in evanescence's website they list how the vocalist and the guitarist met up at the youth camp... hmmm... so far, they haven't been getting playtime on air1.com though... they're still a fairly positive band... some lyrics from their "Bring Me To Life" song goes like "wake me up inside... call my name and save me from the dark... bid my blood to run... save me from the nothing i've become..." etc...

haha... the American Express commercial where Don Nelson buys a buncha books to learn to talk the dialogues of his Mavericks cracks me up... if you've never seen it i think the play of the day today has the commercial on it...

haha... louis isn't the only one who has a teacher using the word "jostle" to describe something...

"what, did you forget all your chemistry information during spring break? we'll have to jostle those neurons a bit..."

and does louis want jon to get the same discover credit card t-shirt that i have? i thought i saw a dialogue between him and jon last night... still it's a funny t-shirt... too bad i can't figure out the greek god depicted on it, perhaps then it'd be easier to create a wallpaper w/it...

ok, so Linkin Park still is a bit like the Hybrid Theory guys that i remember... heard a couple of the other full-length samples of their music @mp3.com and they sound good... it's just like the Hybrid Theory days where i didn't like the very 1st song they showed on the airwaves, but liked all the rest(think One Step Closer, now Somewhere I Belong)... i'm still gonna wait a few before buying their CD... price tends to go down over a couple months... maybe buy it in the summer...

i think i'm actually lighter than Wes now; i think he's now 127, i could be 124 now... haha... UCD scrapped the word "seconds" from my vocabulary... i should eat more in college, i really wanted to gain weight in college, not lose it...

here's a scenario that happened to me yesterday, see if this doesn't freak you out:
jack in the box run ok? so i come back and it's pitch dark on one portion of a block away from the UCD campus... no lights whatsoever... the pay phone next to me rings... i look closer cause there's some sticker on it... it an anti-war message, that says "THIS PHONE IS TAPPED..." now also imagine the recent screening of "Phone Booth" w/Colin Farrell w/a sniper crosshair trained upon him as he's talking... of course i started getting suspicious and looking around waiting for a sniper to just cut me down...

me: did you just push your brother off his cpu, log him off and log in? haha... i seriously saw his sn disappear, then yours popped up
alice: well
alice: we switched
me: oh
me: but it still looked funny
alice: haha
alice: yes. that's me
alice: alice the aggressor

Crash, by 12 Stones:

As I lie tossing in my bed
Lost in my fears remembering what you said
And I try to hide the truth within
The mask of myself shows its face again
Still I lie time and time again
Will you deny me when we meet again?

And I feel like I'm falling
Farther every day
But I know that you're there
Watching over me
And I feel like I'm drowning
The waves crashing over me
But I know that your love
It will set me free

As I find truth where I found it times before
As I search for your hope
I'm finding so much more
And I try to be more like you
And I deny myself to prove my heart is true

I hear your voice calling
The time has come for me
Inside this life I’m living
There’s nothing left for me
My mind is slowly fading
So far away from me
Each time I start crawling
You’re there watching me

....

just viewed my final grades for winter quarter... horrible... not what i expected...

how the heck do you find strength to get through this thing you call college, and achieve your goals?

ok, i'm out... i'm really praying that God will show me the way and help me to get above an overall GPA of 3.5 really soon...

i might as well go to sleep; CS is unplayable tonight... lag is 300+... totally unplayable...

have you ever wondered what it takes to be a top musical group? some possible criteria suggested by me:

-originality:
do they create a sound that isn't heard or easily classified by the common genres around them? for instance, Linkin Park for their debut album created a sound that isn't often heard around...
-talent:
does at least one of the band members demonstrate an incredible depth and complexity in usage of his/her instrument? i like to think of 12 Stones as one of the best rock bands i've ever heard based upon this: while their sound isn't exactly THAT original, Eric Weaver is DEFINITELY one of the better guitarists heard on the radio during this age...
-morals:
a christian could explain this one to you; enough said... basically, is your life reflecting your sounds? and are both considered to be good?
-poetry:
how bout their lyrics? does it have a very nice flow to them? does it sound profound yet poetic at the same time?

i didn't realize i was wearing such an inappropriate T-shirt to church until the other guys pointed it out to me: it's a naked Greek god in a weird position with a thought bubble above his head thinking about rollerblades... it's a discover credit card T-shirt, but it does look a bit bad for church... still, it cracked louis up, so that kinda made my day...

my dorm-room snacks are much more healtier this time around; dried mangoes, dried pineapples, and dried bananas... however they all are sooo good, especially the dried bananas! the dried bananas are like hardened bananas w/syrup... oooooh...

i dunno if i have what it takes to come out on top of this pre-med game... i really don't know... God please give me the self-control to do it...

too bad i couldn't go visit water walkers @MVHS during my spring break... seems like i had stuff going on both days... sorry steven if you're reading this... no hard feelings k?

overall impression of my spring break:
-let's be honest, i wasted it; i wanted some quiet time to myself to think up of a praise song to record and convert to an .mp3 format, but i didn't get the chance; and i can't blame it on the fact that we CTCC guys/girls spent too much time together either; there were a lotta times i spent in my bro's room, except i was playing CS instead of my guitar... but i know God's merciful, i just still wish i had more willpower and self-control, cause I ALWAYS SEEM TO LACK THOSE PARTICULAR TRAITS! WHY OH WHY! also, i'm guessing wed was wide open for me and wes to get together to songwrite, but i didn't realize that til it was too late... the good part is that i pretty much figured out the lyrics and melodies i wanna use, it's just not recorded on my cpu yet...
-got the 12 stones CD; a major plus; i love 12 Stones; sure, it's hard rock, but it's 10x more talented than about 90% of the bands you hear on the radio out there, guitar-wise... anyone who tells me 12 Stones blows doesn't have the ear to recognize talent, period... next to add to the CD selection: Sanctus Real; i'm waiting for a 3-day weekend when i'll be back, so i'll get it then...
-learned how to cook a few key dishes from my mom, which was very nice... i guess i won't be as helpless as i think sophomore year, although i do know cooking takes a long time...
-I-3's; what more to say?
-car seat fixed; 3 seater becomes a 4 seater
-CS match... perhaps i'm getting too addicted to CS; i gotta learn how to control myself... maybe i take a cpu game fast to see if i can handle it?
-bball and getting my blocks in, but learning i need to get my ball handling in, i just dunno how to start...
-also, i still woke up later than usual, which i hate myself for...

i dunno, maybe i see the negatives in myself more than the positives... i just feel like i could've really made something out of this spring break, and instead blew it...

My Spring Break, a short day-by-day account:

Day 1, Sat:
-Nothing much, really; came back, then we kinda just all went to Applebee's(after realizing that it was junior prom night and we wouldn't get into Outback in a short time)... haha... louis went to junior prom! haha... then tim lags behind because he can't figure out how to drive there...
-mom's so generous to me... found a pair of I-3s @Ross for $17... WOW! that of course sparked a whole talk w/wes, sam and jerm about what the 1st and 2nd AI shoes were...
-back @mike's house, we surprise sam with a belated bday party... uh, that ice cream cake wasn't that good... the frosting looked like paint... knowing it was just butter and sugar didn't help either... we all weighed ourselves afterward... man, i don't eat enough @UCD... i'm now down to 124... haha... i know sam's gonna bug us with that cpu mic we gave him when we play cs... it's a constant...
Day 2, Sun:
-Woke up late for church, cause i went to sleep hecka late, @3:00... everyone's pretty much back... and still everyone can't believe the size of jerm's "fro!" when lydia asks me how finals went i told her i thought i didn't do too well on chem she told me not to take it, which is just great advice :)
-didn't do too much, since there's no college sunday school for guys... just played table tennis, read news on the war in Iraq(some gratefulness those damn protestors give for their kin in Iraq), and listened to tim and jon talk about cs; i then went outside to play w/my bball, and end up dumping my food on jon when a stray bball comes toward me... haha...
-haha... all the girls wanted to ask louis how his prom went :)
-all of us typical college ppl(+the socal girls+louis+wes) go to in-n-out...
-wes gives me the 12 Stones CD... thanks a lot... i really like it...(laura again has to comment how she loves the switchfoot CD she got during her bday) finished the CD while practicing CS on my laptop :) while i admit i don't love EVERY song on the CD, i like about 70% of the songs... i keep wondering why the world doesn't open their eyes to christian music, and specifically the ones which try to do the popular music genre... some of them like 12 stones are just GOOD at what they do...
-...laura's legs are VERY pasty white... she needs a tan... like "white on rice" :) haha... actually, we all need a tan... i think my farmer's tan is coming back stronger...
-try to songwrite a bit, but i can't really think of anything... i basically ended up just testing my recording equipment and playing a few power chords and riffs to get my guitar sense back... i can't believe how long i've gone w/o playing my fender, that it was out of tune when i took it out of the case...
-stuff dinner down and rush to mountain view tap to play a clan match of CS w/louis, sam, tim, and jon(jerm couldn't help out, so i guess i just sub'd for him this time)... i'll comment later...
-back @mike's house i watch them basically do this stupid putting game, except you need to get the ball to jump into a cup, instead of hitting it in... can't believe we wasted so much time during that... then norm almost can't find his car keys... haha...
-i discover of all the things wrong w/the whole telephone has NOTHING to do w/any of the phones or their wires... it has to do w/our cpu... oh crap... i don't wanna get that fixed... i'd much rather have one of the wires or phones broken than the cpu... it's gonna cost a lot to fix or get a new one, and mom won't know how to do that, not to mention i'll be back @UCD when that happens...

CS match today:
-we played @dust2... i guess jerm couldn't help out(gluck w/finals man), so here i actually played an actual role(haha... though i thought he still would've done better, although maybe i aim better, he just hits faster)...
-first of all, we have bad lag coming into the game already, so no surprise that we lost...
-we get murdered when we're the Ts... it's cause we simply have no gameplan thought out carefully... which is strange, cause according to jon we should've been doing a lot better as Ts...
-we come a lot closer when we're the CTs... but we still lost, however it was one point away from tieing them, though we would've had to beat them senseless in order to really tie them...
-concerning me as a T, i simply couldn't help out the others... call it lag, call it not being used to a cpu keyboard over my laptop keyboard, or just call it pure lack of skill, i end up getting only maybe 2 kills... and dying maybe 10+... so much about that... my deagling sucked, heck, everything sucked...
-however, i almost did the complete opposite when we were CTs, i actually got over 50% eff, and at one time was leading our team in stats... it later drifted down to me being 2nd in CT stats, tim being 1st... i was actually getting 2 kills per round pretty frequently... one time i almost saved the day, but since i didn't make a 3rd kill, i died and lost the chance to defuse the bomb and win a round for us... that would've made an enough difference to win as CTs over the Ts... haha... here my deagle and m4a1 skills were actually paying off... so i guess i'm not a COMPLETE n00b... just a novice lacking experience... or maybe i just own novices, not good players :)
-i think when it comes down to it, i do much better playing defensively than offensively; if i have to wait for the opponent to come to me, i can usually give myself enough time to set myself down so i can get good shots off... also, i tend to do a lot better when i tail behind and give support there... when that happens i get a lot of kills, cause i end up cleaning up... when i go first in action, usually i can't do anything and get @best 1 kill per round, usually i end up dying immediately... i still need to work on getting a more accurate burst-fire from assault rifles though...
-it was fun in general... this match... mainly as a CT... pretty memorable... however much practice ahead... though i should always put my grades and worship of God way over that... and if i have time left, then MAYBE i work on my CS skills...

Day 3, Mon:
-i don't think i can go to MVHS and watch how my peeps @water walkers are... my car's in the shop and won't come out til somewhere around 2-3... by then lunch will be over...
-play bball for 1 game(man, mom took so long to get ready to go)... then spend some time watching upn and playing tug-of-war w/sam's dog...

Day 4, Tues:
-learn how to make miso soup... heh heh
-also practice Cs on my laptop again... getting my bursts to go at 1 shot/go...
-get going on my song a bit more...
-go to norm's to bowl w/joe&emily... i did terrrible...
-eat chinese dinner @milpitas... that was pretty cool... i still want a business card from phouc nga... that name cracks me up...
-also watched snippets of MJ to the MAX... that guy was very incredible...

Day 5, Wed:
-i get up late again... ugh... i hate myself... i wish i was an early riser, not a late-ass person... rips so much time outta my day...
-no bball... shucks, had i known, i would've called wes and asked him to come over to do some song-writing... instead, i waste a day @the library...
-learn how to make pork ribs for dinner... wow, takes so long... i'm never making that stuff @UCD, not to mention i'm not sure you can buy cooking wine ie saki or vodka anytime until i'm 21...

Day 6, Thurs:
-play bball... got a couple of blocked shots, which was nice, but i have no bball handling skills... got the ball stripped by jon a couple... by jon! this is why i need to up my bball handling skills, but i dunno where to start
-the bball experience would have been a lot more enjoyable if i hadn't jammed my left index or forgot to cut my fingernails...
-learn how to bake/broil fish...
-bowling, which was ok for me... surprised to see laura and lydia tag along and watch us... i sorta cocked my head every time i didn't bowl right, which reminded laura of how she acts whenever she misses a bball shot...
-went to donut wheel afterward... i love donuts, except i get em for free @UCD's cafeteria, which was why i didn't buy any...

Day 7, Fri:
-praise night, which was kinda cool, except i hated myself for showing up late, and missing the beginning
-go to Tap, and watch some CS action... haha... norm sucks... maybe even more than mike...
-play/observe Risk @Mike's house...

Day 8, Sat:
-observe more Risk @Mike's house... and Smash Bros...
-ok, i should've songwrote more during this week... i feel like i wasted a lotta golden oppurtunities to really think about the lyrics... instead, i haven't even recorded the praise song i wanted to do this weekend yet...
-maybe zip over to Bureans tomorrow and get the Sanctus Real CD before heading back?

hahahah...

memorable quote of today:

so this guy was in our room fooling around with jon's comp, and he was turning up the bass and volume on jon's eminem songs... to the point where our next-door neighbors were annoyed, so one of them sent him a message saying this, and i quote:

"quiet hours not over yet nigger"

hahahahahha...

on the topic of CS, i think here's a tactic you can use if you're going 1-on-1 knifing each other... so nobody uses the primary slash to do damage these days, but it's fast in startup and recovery... use it as a bait move... i was practicing my deagle skills on deagle5 today, and after both teams were knocked out except for 1 T and me, who was the 1 CT, he suggested we knife, so i said, come to bridge, then i followed him to spawn... here's what i did... instead of jumping right @him and trying to knife immediately(which is what i usually do, and it gets me killed), i rushed him, then whiffed my primary slash once a few feet from his face, and it worked; i baited him into jumping @me, so i just followed up with the secondary stab, and got a kill like that...
(btw when it comes to CS knifing if i'm serious, i never play it like that... it usually only comes out when i've run out of handgun ammo, and i'm very close up, and then possibly if the other person's out of ammo, then instead of hunkering away i just run up with the knife and try for a secondary stab... in other words i use it to finish off the person much like ppl use the grenade, except for up-close situations)

uh... do NOT buy more 3 chili-cheese products from jack in the box... i bought 3 chili-cheeseburgers, and 1 chili-cheese curly fries, and i almost couldn't finish the 3rd burger because all of the things tasted the same... i guess next time i only stick w/the fries...

i am still here in UCD, waiting for jon to finish his final... oh wait, he's done... nevermind...

now, i'm confused a bit... if any song is a worship song(just concentrating on different gods to worship), does that mean ANY song i create to God is a worship song? or, maybe what i need to aim at is a worship song that EVERYONE CAN FOLLOW... see, that would be different... perhaps that's the criteria for a praise/worship song... doesn't just apply to the writer, but to all christians...

have you ever felt like the harder you concentrate on trying to grasp the meaning of something, the further it slips from you? feels that way when you try to think of the meaning of joy... one's thing's for sure; it's not like happiness, because you can be in the lowest of lows and still have it... but how's that seen? hope? peace? faith? hmm... dunno...

later... going home manana... should be fun... song writing... bball... just hangin out w/former CTCC ppl... it's all good... getting my Saturn driver's seat fixed... (haha... finally!)

things that cause me to marvel at the works of God:
-animals that are seen in nature
-good music dedicated to God
-whenever i stop to reflect and think how much i have(i guarentee you, you have more than you possibly want the more you think about it)
-the nature environment itself
-etc... the list can get very long
-hearing a good testimony
-when i get an awesome feeling of worship of God
(the list keeps growing and growing... if you aren't living your life with joy every single moment and you're a Christian, you're messed up... seriously...)

pessimist sees the cup as half-empty... optimist sees the cup as half-full... atheist sees the cup as half-empty, and draining... but a christian sees the cup as overflowing... :)

i am currently taking a liking to Lincoln Brewster- Let the praises ring(and i am expecting Bob to any minute jump in and comment, heh heh, i heard his church is in SAC, and that he leads with an electric guitar and sings w/his throat):

lyrics:
Oh Lord my God, in You I put my trust
Oh Lord my God, in You I put my hope
(repeat)

In You, in You I find my peace
In You, in You I find my strength
In You, I live and move and breathe
Let everything I say and do
Be founded by my faith in You
I lift up holy hands and sing:
Let the praises ring!

Oh Lord my God, to You I give my hands
Oh Lord my God, to You I give my feet
Oh Lord my God, to You I give my everything
Oh Lord my God, to You I give my life

i'll write later; it's late @night...

memory flashback...

when jon actually decided to accompany me to Davis Korean Church, all the guys/gals there were friendly to him, they were asking him for his cell phone #(don't get any wrong ideas, heh heh)... and one former Lynbrook girl was like,
"your number has '666' in it... i don't like this number!"

hahahaha...

... oooooh, dammmn... thank YOU god!

so while i'm still praying and hoping that God'll give me at least a B in chem, and an A in LAI, at least he made my Philosophy of Biology final so friggin easy... it was all you God... all you... thanks a lot...

btw, i'm finding my love of NBA bball's rubbing off on me in my christian way of doing things... i constantly give thanks to God, but ever since i've seen NBA players sometimes point to others after a good play and say stuff like "it was all you man!"(watch the new T-Mac shoe from addidas commercial to get an idea), i find i've been doing that everytime i get giddy after God's done something good for me... i'll end up pointing to heaven(or i should say, the sky; dunno where heaven really is), look up and mouth, "it was all you man!" God knows what i'm talking about... i love that feeling... and that's what i'm feeling right now...

should lay off of the caffeinated beverages during dinner... i think i accidently pulled an all-nighter yesterday because i loaded on coke during dinner... i just couldn't sleep... luckily, i don't feel any headaches today... again, all you God...

btw, i'm wondering how God views electronic gaming... especially the violent ones, ie CS, Quake, VF4Evo... does he condemn them completely? or are they something like money, where it's neutral? you're not killing anybody in reality, so i dunno... cause in a way, you could view a competitive game of CS or VF4Evo more as a sport than an actual bloodfest... i'm wondering this cause i wonder if there's computer games in heaven... just like whether or not God lets you play sports in heaven... Bob, any comment? :)

haha... laura's pulling a RT... running to in n out! yeah, that's right! that's the RT way! :)
(btw the list of fast food chains that i've ran to in UCD: Del Taco, In N Out, Taco Bell, Jack In the Box)

i think i'll do a couple things today/tomorrow:
-study for math
-think more about the song i'm gonna record during break
-think more about worship lesson
-buy some books for next quarter
-CS
-QTs and prayer
(i have a lotta time, so i gotta make sure i don't blow it all on CS :D)

um, yeah, that's pretty good...

man, i think my optical mouse's getting worn... i say this because it feels like my mouse wheel's giving more... it used to have a bit more resistance when i tried to spin it, but ever since i played CS and got crazy spinning it, it's got less resistance... i should be a little more careful spinning it... like spin it only one notch at a time...

uh, study time today...

jerm: doh.. gotta pick up sister now
me: haha
jerm: i'm almost all undressed too
me: ahaahhaha
(jerm was about to take a shower, just to get the facts straight... he wasn't looking at porn or anything sick like that)

del taco has 3 tacos each tuesday night for 99 cents... OOOOH! well, gotta make sure it's not just the UCD area del taco...

i love it when crunch time's upon you and you come out on top... shows which side God was on... sometimes...

do we really need this war w/Iraq? we should've ended it a long time ago, now, it's not the right time...

Isaiah 58: the whole point of this chapter is that repentance is not the only thing that will cause God to come back and lift your troubles off your back... you also need to put your feelings into deed... you can't expect words to move God... your actions will speak the whole truth... yea, that was the chapter that i decided to read today...

Skillet- You Are My Hope(Air 1 9.11.01 version)

do you think that the only thing required to turn back your punishment are your words? your feelings, your actions will also say that as well... what else... do you think only the wrong face troubles?

are ppl born evil? no... but it's in their nature... and it's obviously much easier to do evil than good... and your task as you go along this world-life how to break that nature and to come back...

haha... i just noticed how NBA.com has this weird link comparing which colleges produced the best players... it's interesting... check it out:

College Bball Rosters

matches up the best players from each college... damn... seems like a ton of the good players come from Norta Carolina... Jason Kidd hails from Cal? Arizona and Michigan each have their share of good players... Arenas... haha... both AI and Mutumbo went to Georgetown!

i still can't believe i don't have a final test tomorrow... keep checking the syllabus and yes, the final paper was the last thing...

it's so hard to ignore the past and concentrate upon the present even when the future seems so uncertain... like when you don't think your GPA will cut it for what you want... but i realize that it's not the end of the world if you don't make your major... there's always hope... but like i said, it's so hard to put this idea into practice...

yaaaaay, Daioh.com's back up again! now i can watch VF4 Evo tourney matches again!(watches 20+ min disappear from each school day)

btw has anyone gotten a bit queasy about the upcoming confrontation between the US and Iraq? i'm wondering if it's possible for this to lead right into Armageddeon...

haha... maybe i don't have a final tomorrow... all the syllabus for the class' final for tomorrow that i see is a final paper... and i'm done w/that... maybe i should double check... in about 10 min... but i'm so much fun listening to VF4 Evo soundtracks! haha... just like the way Louis has too much fun listening to his ol school video game soundtracks...

*sigh*... now i'm just hoping that God gives me a B in chem for the winter quarter... i didn't really feel too good about that final... basically, i'm hoping that the teach curves it, and curves it really hard, like maybe 40 for the average, and the standard deviation's 10...

and yet, i find this thing called life hard to grasp, because on the one hand, there's what i know i'm supposed to do in hard situations like these(trust in God, keep your cool, stop fretting about what's happened and concentrate on what will), and yet i still have afterthoughts... too many of them... life's hard, no doubt... the hard situations make you, as some put it...

happy bday lydia... though i don't talk to her online, so she prob doesn't even know i put up her bday for everyone to see...

the hard situations will bring out who you really are, no matter what you've done for the good and easy times... and i can see my human nature right now... it's ugly... anger, impatience, frustration, lacking self-control... i wish i could change it instantly, but i seem to be one of those types of people who are good when the going's good, bad when it's bad...

ahh, what can you do... i guess just ignore anything that isn't currently happening and concentrate upon the present... and always keep your cool, appreciating the circumstances you've been handed... i just wish God would make that more and more like my nature, where i can keep cool in the face of adversity

*sigh*... sometimes i really DO wish i could undo all my wrongs... there's just too many... and ykno how everything from the past influences the present? yeap... that's why i have so much to study for for my incoming chem test which is mon afternoon... made it hard on myself...

anyone from CTCC reads this before that time, plz pray for me... i really need an A... i really believe i do...

what is the meaning of Job 6? perhaps Job wants an answer from God... perhaps he shuns his friends because they don't offer him consolation but instead throw accusations at him... perhaps Job wants to know whether or not he's done wrong... i dunno, it get a bit confusing around...

sometimes white girls can be so... weird... i'm not saying ALL white girls are like that, but there's been 2 incidences this weekend where white girls were acting stupid... 2 girls are waiting at a stoplight, and right when it turns into "walk" i cross... they're still talking... when they stop and start to walk it's already turned into a red light... haha... suckers... the other incident is when one girl forgets to lock her restroom portapotty door...

skip church to study chem... and i am still not done... WHY?

i find myself...
lost and unfound
on the ground
trying to explain what it means to be unfree
i never understand what it means to give it up
never knowing the pleasure
of fully depending solely on you
for love, joy and peace

why...
why do i torture myself this way depriving myself of sleep due to material possessions... depriving it over playing my guitar to you, that's ok IMO... but to do it to CS... i'm hating myself...

and ykno what's even sadder is that i'll act like i never learned a single lesson 1-2 weeks later... how shameful of myself...