i'm wondering if i should go to the fellowship's retreat next week... it's a dilemma... will i be able to keep up my studies on time and still go to it? also, lately i haven't been placing God first; if i go to the retreat, i would be going in with a fun mentality. on the other hand, jon pointed out it could be a catalyst for better things; it might restart my spiritual stuff... i dunno...

kings > lakers... yesssss...

rockets > spurs... then again, spurs were taking it easy... yao ming looks better now... heard he bulked up...

it's interesting really how we KNOW how we're supposed to act, but still get so strongly swayed by the world... we know that GPAs in the long run are nothing compared to the glory of God's will... how come then do i feel really nervous everytime i finish a midterm without really finishing all of the questions confidently? or even leaving some blank because time ran out?

it's kinda funny how this small korean girl at the fellowship i went to today was sitting next to me and jon and saying to jon "i don't have any friends! i'm gonna spend more time around you" or something like that extent, which got me laughing... can you spell knee pon yo?

excuse me for being ignorant, but i just realized yesterday that boston celtics got rid of walker and got lefrentz from the mavs... i think it's a good trade; the celtics got beat in the playoffs last year because they don't have any really dominant big men; lefrentz will help correct that... i wonder if this alone will push them to top east status... well, we'll have to wait the nets and celtics matchup in the playoffs again to find out... go celtics!

(oh yeah; go warriors; being ignorant, i found out today that they also have avery johnson now...)

haha... lakers lost to clippers... ok, so it's one game, but still...

can't wait... wednesday next week it starts... maybe i should just shoot some hoops this weekend?

you have no idea how fast being on high internet with half life running drains a laptop battery if you aren't on AC power(and i didn't even connect to any games); i was wondering what the beeping sound was... at least none of my work was lost. haha... work... i shouldn't use that word... next time i'm not using my laptop w/o AC power

2 more chapters to study before 4:10 tomorrow; i never find that i'd say this, but it seems easier to run through organic chem material for a midterm than it is for a bio midterm; i love bio over organic chem anyday, but it seems that organic chem does seem a bit more straightforward. at the rate which i'm studying for it today, i should be able to go to sleep at a regular time, instead of cramming... although i do have to study for a bio quiz tomorrow, so...

but if we are the body
why aren't his arms reaching?
why aren't his hands healing?
why aren't his words teaching?
and if we are the body
why aren't his feet going?
why isn't his love not showing
that there is a way?

jesus paid much too high a price for us to pick and choose who should come
and we are the body of christ

casting crowns- if we are the body; the chorus and bridge

some music streaming goodness here:

Evanescence - My Immortal
this is a great track; not often you see an evanescence track that is more predominantly piano than distorted electric guitar, and i thought the coming in of the rest of the band was nice

12 Stones audio page
sadly,i couldn't directly link to the song, but it's basically the song "Let Go" this is a great song; i love 12 stones.

ok, i was originally gonna post my response to your comment in the comment box bob, but it has only 400 spaces, so i'll do it here:

here's the thing; all sins are equal in that they place you in hell... however, since God judges fairly, most likely there are various degrees of punishment in hell, thus in that vein sins are not all equal(there are probably no such degrees in heaven, aside from what the disciples got, because you need to be perfect to get in heaven the 1st place, so if you're in, you're in; it's like a written test where you need to get a 100% to PASS)... that is why i'm wondering if the worst sin is open defiance towards God(being constantly preached to, growing up in a church, and turning your back upon your faith, or an unbeliever who has the resources to find out about the truthfulness about the bible, but never does), which covers everything pretty much. what is not covered? people who honestly don't know what sin is. like a secluded tribe somewhere in the jungle where people's morality is vastly different from what we have in secular America. these people commit sin because they didn't know it was sin in the 1st place. are they let off the hook? no; sin is sin; it lands them in hell. but it lands them in a different degree of hell than the people who on purposely defy God, knowing it is wrong.

yeap... csbinds now work...

tfc is so fun when you're playing in small numbers; i've finding out when you play about 4 on 4 on an area which is tiny and closed together, that the heavy weapons guy just rocks everyone's ass; now he's one of my favorite players. for those of you who don't play team fortress classic(tfc), it's basically using this guy who takes about 300% better damage than the other characters, doesn't get pushed around by explosions, and has this huge mini-gun much like terminator 2 where if you get caught in its fire you're shredded... sounds broken? not really; he's slow as molasses, which is why he rapes in small games; you don't get gangbanged as easily... want proof? i got a 32-killstreak when i switched to the hwguy... it's like using the terminator...

...i won't worry my life away, heeeey, oooooooh
i won't, i won't, i won't, i won't worry my life away, heeeey, nooooooo...

-jason mraz- the remedy

i couldn't get my csbinds to work yesterday... let's see if i have better luck today...

anberlin- ready fuels
anberlin- glass to the arson
telecast- the way
sonicflood- god is great(did they write this, or just remix it?)

now i have 2 headbands... the green one i use for balling, and a navy blue one w/the words ucdavis stitched in on one side... i wear this one paul pierce style; it goes on my side of my head... and i wear that one when i'm NOT balling :D sound weird? well, consider this; i often see black ppl walk around campus wearing official nba headbands and wristbands around... and i caught a pale-colored person in the arcades wearing a white headband... so no, it's not that weird... besides, ppl wear wristbands when they're not balling...

the worst sin is defiance... the 2nd worst is ignorance... do you agree or not?

midterm week has arrived... 2/4 completed... prayers would be appreciated... lates you guys...

yay... according to the canaan directory, i'm now a young adult! haha... well, wes, laura, and tim are still, according to the directory, youths... suckers...

cal lost to ucla 23-20; it sucked... cal actually came back with a touchdown pass and 2-pt conversion in the clutch, but obviously lost it in overtime...

came home for the weekend... and loaded up on groceries...

better get that tub of ice cream ready... (safeway prob has a special, or go for the thrifty espresso+biscotti type, that stuff's good) yankees > red sox in the 11th... this is so friggin ngay! marlins and yankees for this year's world series?!? man, this sucks!

oooh... ucd bookstore has GREY ucd bball shorts, not the goldish pacers type i saw back then... maybe i'll buy it... 25% off coupon that i have... also, they now have a ucd headband in the store, so that's cool... it actually has a ucd logo on it, not like just a dark blue headband...

speaking of which, when i was buying something at the ucd bookstore today, the cashier was this semi-short azn girl who was wearing a hooters tank top... and no, it didn't hit me to look down THERE... i didn't want to anyways, and good thing my mind didn't even think about that...

preseason game between cavs and lakers occurred yesterday... shaq was injured, horace grant was out(what the? how'd he end up on the lakers, and 2nd, he's still playing?), kobe, was injured too... that left malone and payton to take over. mainly malone, actually... i think the only teams which REALLY have a chance to stop the lakers on paper this year are kings, spurs, and twolves... of course, that's said ON PAPER... wouldn't be surprised when yao gets experience that the rockets will also pose a threat... anyways: man, lebron needs work... i do believe that in a few years he will dominate, but the 1st preseason game of his that i saw was nothing spectacular... 4/17 or something from the field... it was ugly... he was simply too passive; obviously you don't want to be a ball hog or anything like that, but if you're gonna shoot, take it to the rack, and take it hard. ricky davis did a much better job.

to get us into the bball season, i thought i'd give you guys the real way to play bball:
do this, and you will own any person you play; doesn't matter what you do; cut, post, fadeaway, posterize, you will win; when i watched it i almost died with laughter... seriously, how did the guys at yard fitness come up with this commercial?

october 29... nba... can't wait...

damnit, damnit, damnit... stupid florida marlins; and i was starting to like kerry wood as well; guy not only can pitch, but he came through to tie the game with a homer when it mattered.

although red sox beat the a's, i would still enjoy watching them beat the crap outta the yankees.

i feel like everytime i go back to college everything feels like a giant blur of unfeelingness... it's like running the rat race without a chance to stop and breathe.

i saw a UMK3 combo video that made me wonder why nobody's discovered big combos for that game...

i think i got sam wanting to making his own rap songs, after he head "unknown to the world" :D

oh yea, basically, here's all my songwriting projects i think i have to do:
-create instrumentals for sam to rap to
-finish creating "callous," one of the worship songs i planned to record, but never did
-finish "the sun," another song i wrote(not a worship song, and might have some rapping in there)
-finish phil's version of "glory to the lamb;" yes, phil DID record on my cpu a few months back; i told him i would actually make an .mp3 outta what he did; i haven't done that yet, but i should

punchbaby.com is so amusing...

fave new site i found:

http://www.punchbaby.com

a buncha video clips of well, funny stuff... the ones under ouch are funny... check out the taiwan catfight one to see how politics are being handled in taiwan! amazing country you're living in joe!

ok, i got a yahoo briefcase created, and uploaded all my songs; the problem is that yahoo won't let me let ANYONE look at it, only ones with yahoo IDs that i specify; so if you want access to it, lemme know your yahoo ID(over email or aim) and i will add you to the list... k that's it, the link's on the left; peace

i gotta get to work soon, but here's basically 3 things i have to say before i do:

-went to intervarsity large group yesterday; they do indeed seem to go a bit deeper on friday than other christian fellowships; however, they followed the same form as other friday groups; have a 1-2 hr fellowship, then just kick it back for the rest of the night; they didn't even say to meet up at a person's place. however, their message was a bit deeper; i took some notes on my cell notepad. their worship is a bit more old-skool though; not like hymns, but where we sorta have the "revised-hymns," or playing hymns w/contemporary worship style, except they tended to play slower; if i was going on the basis of worship alone i would choose msm, the one i'd gone to the most, but of course, me and jon need to see if their small groups are deep or not...

-i found out i actually have a place to put my .mp3s on the web(right now i don't feel like putting it all over mp3.com, and i don't have the time to create a website right now):

http://f1.up.briefcase.yahoo.com/edit/recharred_sigh/reg?.done=http%3a//briefcase.yahoo.com/

i can apparently use the briefcase thing from yahoo to create a site where guests can come in and just download, so that's cool; i'll set something up soon...

-i am revising my fave songs list(long time i did)... up to you to check it out if you want

-btw, evanescence's "going under" video is kinda freaky... everyone except the band members looks like they're some type of demon... now, knowing that evanescence is composed of christian musicians, were they trying to say something from that? if you haven't seen the video, go to www.evanescence.com and then comment below

internet @apt's been acting weird... and i know it doesn't have to do with my wireless card... now often i take my laptop and wireless card to ucd and i get a perfectly good wireless connection in a quiet lounge near the noisy cafeteria... speaking of which, the griffin lounge(that's where it's called), is prob my 2nd fave place to hang out @ucd besides the games area(3rd's the library, but that's for studying purposes)... the wireless connection in this room is EXCELLANT... and it's quiet... in fact, it's arguable, that excluding the noise OUTSIDE the area(and the church bell clock which goes off every half and top of the hour), it's more quiet than the library!

back to learning msh vs sf, after i somehow got another renewed interest in the game, and soundly whupped a masher, only to get crushed by a competitor-regular... apparently qcf+k,b+k is good for omega red, but i overuse it... *smacks self upside the head when he realizes he should've used the air dash*

note to self: print transcript; then it'll be easier to motivate myself to find some way to change my major..., another note to self: buy some more groceries...

i'm wondering just how good i could get at cooking; i'm not whipping up something incredible everyday, but for my purposes i am more-or-less able to create something to eat with almost-from-scratch ingredients... also, i was able to more-or-less figure out the ingredients in the instant oatmeal before looking @the ingredients... it's pretty good: oatmeal, sugar, raisins, dates, walnuts, cinnamon... i should try buying the actual stuff, and try making it from scratch, will take more time, but i think it'll be worth it...

i rewatched nba 2K3's play of the season... while i think kobe's behind-the-back crossover to dunk was impressive, it doesn't warrant the play of the year... seriously, either t-mac's self alley-oop or arenas-to-jrich was better... probably the 2nd... but oh man, with the giants and a's knocked out, i just can't wait for bball season to pick up again...(oh yeah, fball, but then, i'm more of a bball fan) hope the warriors get adjusted FAST, and that the celtics actually draw closer to be eastern conference champs again... they sadly still can't beat the nets, who are i admit, as for now the best in the east... we'll see though...

as for my songwriting progress, i'm writing the lyrics of another new song... that's where i'm currently at...

later, my friends; there's work to be done

great... i'm being bogged down, and have a reluctance to do work lately... damnit, damnit, damnit, damnit... how am i gonna motivate myself to study? i wished all the lectures would stop until i caught up with the material before i moved on... it was still my fault, but yeah... ykno...
man... no tfc, no cs... and to top it off, without those things to distract me, and i am STILL behind in readings... that's gotta suck...

ok, i guess it's official; arnold schwarzenegger is our governor... kinda like phil has jesse ventura(correct me if he's not minnesota's current governor, i'm not big on current events) for minnesota... again, before you ppl start freaking out, i do have to remind you, we will never find out exactly how well arnold does til he becomes and performs as our governor... well, he's his chance; i can only pray for him and hope that he leads our state well, out of the hole davis supposedly dug, instead of digging it deeper... now, we can't argue with him, we just gotta advise him and then support him and hope all goes well...

a's are gone, giants are gone... ugh... not good, not good...

later, i should go work... (damnit, intervarsity's site is still down)

leave it to me to leave my cs 5-pack @home... now that i've finally installed cs 1.6 on my desktop, it turns out i need the CD key... again... aurgh! (but i'll be ok... hopefully my grades will go up while i can't cs)...

instant oatmeal is so unsatisfying... i admit it's pretty tasty, but the single serving packet is so dinky, i have to eat 2 of those to be satisfied; and even after that i'm still slightly hungry; i should've bought the actual quaker oatmeal instead; it would've taken longer though, and i would've had to buy some dark brown sugar too, maybe some cinnamon too(adding brown sugar to oatmeal is really good)...

and now yahoogroups starts to act up upon me, so my college friends can't listen to the .mp3s i uploaded to them... weird...

argh... i'm kinda in a bind here... i can't decide whether i want to get rid of prov 9:10, prov 3:5-6, or matt 6:33; i think i'll get rid of prov 9:10 and matt 6:33

remember the fundamentals; i suppose you've remembered this stressed to you when playing bball and everything you're doing's falling apart; remember the fundamentals; it can't be said any better than christianity too; lately i've found that when you start getting bogged down in the middle of the old testament reading about punishment and sins and all, that it doesn't hurt to go back to the gospels and skim it for words of wisdom once again; the more you read the bible, the more insight you gain from the same passages; i've begun to realize mark 12:29-31 and john 10:9-10 are some of the most valuable bible verses i've ever stumbled across:

-ever since i've rewritten my lesson on worship, i've gained a lot through it, and one of those things is this: worshipping should be #1, not serving others; mark 12:29-31 sums this up very well, and it's very hard NOT to get this passage; when i was younger i just sorta skimmed past it, not really getting what it was trying to say, and what it is try to say is this; yes, you need to serve your neighbor, but you need to concentrate upon God first, in worship, prayer, and bible reading; stray away from that, and even if it's in the name of caring for others, it is idolatry.
-john 10:9-10 has given new meaning to me ever since i've spent time around too many ppl who just seemed down with work, school, you name it. and these guys are christians. yet, jesus tells us right now, that when he came, not only would we have life, but we would HAVE IT TO THE FULL; have you never truly grasped how powerful these words are? it's why the 1st 3 fruits of the spirit are love, JOY, and PEACE. having life to the full means these things will be part of your life; does that mean that you will always be HAPPY? noo... but it does mean that you will feel a sense of peace in whatever you do... nothing will shake you... and this has a profound impact on me now...

the more philosophy classes i take @ucd, the more the philosophical terms are coming into my head... utilitarian... act utilitarian... rule utilitarian... kantianism... etc... the more we think about it the more we'd like to believe God is a utilitarianist; "greatest good," or basically, the most number of souls saved; yet the problem with utilitarianist thinking is that while most will be happy, a few won't, and sometimes that happiness is at the expense of the few. and you begin to realize that while God DOES want the majority to be saved, he NEVER wants to do it at the demise of a few human souls; that's why Jesus tells the parable of 99/100 sheep being safe, but God refuses to rest satisfied; he goes out himself to find that 1 lost sheep, and maybe this is just me, but if all 99 fell away but he found that 1 lost sheep, he would indeed be more happy over him than all the 99...

we had a power outage in davis today, so my alarm clock didn't go off... but God shows his grace again, cause i woke up 30 min later, instead of 2 hrs later... so i was able to get to class, just slightly late... i really appreciated that God... next time i'll set my cell phone alarm as well just to be sure...

just updated my friendster profile... this is the 1st time i've been on... phil invited me during the summer, but since the library didn't support cookies, i couldn't do anything... will add a pic later...

jon asked our little group whether it was better to be a hardcore christian w/no ppl skills or a softcore christian w/great ppl skills... i would go w/the 1st, since God commands it too; to love him, and THEN to serve others... seeking God's kingdom first also means all these things will be added unto you...

i've run outta juice of things to talk about... will write later

sunday was the 1st time i made miso soup w/tofu and seaweed today in davis(plus a few other things thrown in), and hopefully i won't make the same mistake today; dried seaweed expands LIKE CRAZY; i put in what i thought was going to be about 1/2 a cup of seaweed, and it turned out to be a LOT more than that; my supposedly 1/2 a pot of miso soup turned into a full pot, and man, i feel so stuffed right now...(no, i didn't eat the whole thing; i filled my "leftovers bowl" full, and still had a lot to go left) otherwise it was fairly good, but i still don't like O.D.ing on seaweed, so i'll learn to put a LOT less than what i think is going to be in there... *groans at slightly bloated stomach*...

i didn't go to church again... pisses me off... i really should be able to control my time better, but i can't, and that brings me down even more... what's more, everytime i don't go to a christian thing, jon doesn't go either... i feel like sometimes i'm like a christian big brother to him in davis, in that i should be setting an example... i don't think i'm a better christian than him, but yeah, i think you know what i'm getting at... of course, i don't think you need to go to a church to save your soul, or to even draw closer to God, but you find accountability there... sometimes it can be so hard motivating yourself to take up the disciplines of christianity...

so instead i did some self-study today(for what may be the 1st self-study in the bible up in davis for a long time), and it occurred to me just how satisfying the bible is, since i haven't been reading it for a long time... eats up a LOT of my time though, so i'll read more now, but maybe keep it to 1-2 chapters a day to keep myself from getting too bogged down timewise... in jeremiah right now, and i found out that jeremiah, the reluctant prophet, was actually a priest, when God called him to service... sometimes we are just like jeremiah; think about it; we're christians, and yet we shrink away at the prospect of minstering to others; it makes as much sense as a priest who shrinks away at spreading the word to unhearing ears... i think for those of us who are like that(i know i am), we haven't really REALIZED that God is going to be with us... if God is for you, do you really need to worry about anything? also, it was interesting to see God count 2 sins towards the Israelites; falling away from him AND worshipping other gods... it's interesting, cause usually the 2 happen in one shot, and sometimes could be considered as one, but God counts them at 2... kinda like breaking the 1st 2 commandments... i wonder if it's possible to break one of them without the other...

i think wes forgot i existed, is too socal right now to recognize me, or forgot my screen name entirely; everytime i try to strike up conversation with him on AIM so far, he's either signed off or not responded to me at all... dude, at least tell me you're busy! dark side of cali indeed! you socal'rz... (and it's funny how only the true norcal'rz of our church are seen on AIM now as frequently... me, jon, and jerm... sometimes sam... the rest of them are just ignoring us completely :D)

ever notice how sometimes you're glad God made you like your parents, and other times you wish you weren't like them? i'm finding that more and more i'm like my mom in liking to cook(actually my mom dislikes cooking, but is pretty good at it) and copying her, also, i notice since i wrap all my supermarket groceries in plastic produce bags even if they're processed foods that it annoys the cashiers sometimes(this is something i also have picked up from my mom)... the elderly woman in charge of my groceries was fumbling trying to get the 6 yogurt cups i bought out(with the bag over the upc, it's kinda hard to read it), and so while i was kinda sorry for doing that, it was funny watching the frustration coming over her... finally instead of fooling around with the knot i made, she just ripped open the bag and then proceeded to scan the cups normally...

i've noticed that aside from referring to the attributes of God, jeremy camp usually doesn't say "God" or "Jesus" straight out on his songs... i've looked at the lyrics of his songs, and realized that indeed this guy's music wouldn't hurt to give to a nonchristian friend... the sad part though is that christian music that talks about loving God, but doesn't use his name can fool nonchristians into thinking about love for the opposite sex and nothing else... i remember that before i found out lifehouse was a christian band that i thought "hanging by a moment" was a song about being drunk with love for the opposite sex, or something like that...

there are like 3+ stations up here in davis for K-Love, but NONE for Air1, which is the sister of K-Love... boourns! who needs more than 1 station for K-Love? are all the christian music guys up here conservative while ppl, who can't take alternative rock? (well, i can't say that completely, cause jeremy camp DID come up to davis, see my LONG post)

ucd's wireless connection isn't bad... actually, right now it seems better than the apt's, heh heh... anyways i should leave soon, they're gonna lock up... later guys...

(will probably ending up dling the cs 1.6 patch @ucd anyways, since apt internet's so limited...)