library's gonna close really soon...

i wish i could be unashamed to praise God whenever, wherever...

ok that's it; i'll write later...

i remembered that there were some new testament verses in the bible that jesus said about plain honest speech; mainly, letting your yes be yes and your no be no, so i decided to add that to the bible links i had up there(sometimes we can be so flaky, so i want that verse to be easily referenced by me that i might never forget it; i am very tempted to point fingers at who doesn't keep their word, but sometimes i do it too, so i'll leave it at that); there was one i found in james, but i thought the one found in matt 5:36-37 was better, although i find the thought of james the person interesting; here's why; he was jesus' biological younger brother. imagine that; now i'm not too sure how many siblings jesus had, but i'm sure james wasn't the only one. still, imagine what it would be like to be james; jesus is your brother, and yet, also creator of the heavens and the earth! so on one point, he is totally in line with you, but on another token, he is beyond anything you are. also, correct me if i'm wrong, but james ended up believing in jesus AFTER he died and rose again. i'm sure most of us younger siblings often feel proud of our older siblings(you have NO IDEA how much i admire my bro, who is about 8 years older than i am), but imagine what it would've been like to be james... it boggles my mind...

(on a side note, it's strange concerning older and younger siblings, how most of my closer friends are all older siblings of their respective families...)

i wonder how the idea that jesus would come from the line of david makes sense; you realize that joseph never had any sexual relations with mary before she became pregnant(cue bill clinton's "i did NOT have any sexual relations with that woman"); but then again, it's understandable; to say that the savior would come from mary's lineage would sound kinda disgracing, since the jewish people at the time placed great emphasis on men. to be anal though, you'd have to say that the messiah would come from mary. still, the prophesies aren't really UNTRUE; you realize that joseph DID come from the line of david, and jesus WAS joseph's son... in a way, you could say joseph adopted jesus from the holy spirit, and thus the savior DID come from the family line

close to 2 chapters from finishing Celebration of Disciplines; i know it looks like i'm concentrating too much on finishing the book to pay close attention, but sometimes i feel tedious note-taking ruins the fun of reading; the hours just get eaten... so once i'm done i'll go back and reread to really get it... i realize one HUGE temptation of reading this book is to say "oh i didn't do discipline 'x' like Foster said!" but really, if you just have Christ guide you, everything'll be alright; one thing that DOES concern me is how i sometimes am not too sure God is speaking to me; God is not just a god of words, and so that leaves some mystery in how he communicates with us; but i'll pray about it, and ask that he might continue to help me hear him out; hey, it'll heighten my worship experience! :D

jeremy camp - take my life

HERE I AM BEFORE YOU NOW
LIKE A CHILD I'M REACHING OUT
HERE I AM I'M GIVING ALL I CAN
BREAKING MY PRIDE I FEEL I'M THROUGH
SHATTERED INSIDE I RUN TO YOU
AND NOW I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU

TAKE MY LIFE
TAKE MY MIND
TAKE MY SOUL
TAKE MY WILL
I AM YOURS NOW AND I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU

LAYING ALL DOWN BEFORE MY KING
OFFERING ALL MY EVERYTHING
LAYING ALL DOWN BEFORE THE I ONE I SERVE
I CAN UNDERSTAND THE REASONS WHY
YOU CAME ON THIS EARTH AND DIED
AND NOW I GIVE IT ALL TO YOU

I CAN FEEL YOU ON MY SHOULDER
SO I KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE
I CAN SEE YOU PAINT MY PICTURE
THE BEAUTY IS ALL THERE

today's engrish.com cracked me up a bit; if i wasn't in a library i'd be laughing my @$$ off:
it's a woman wearing a sweatshirt that says "no guy will ever fancy me"
(ugh! you drive a hard bargain!)

i read up to ch 20 of job today, and i'm starting to feel that maybe people who don't understand why God feels so far away when good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people should read this book. the student bible i have that phil gave me had a good insight in it concerning the book, but i kinda wanna look at that later, but what surprised me was the coming across of this extremely high-hoping thought by job, even when he was in the midst of his greatest despair:

Job 19:25-27
I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes-I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!

it appears that people make the misconception that good people prosper, and bad people suffer IN THIS LIFETIME; that was the big mistake of job's 3 friends. but it's not true; what IS true is that that justice only gets served after the end of the world has come about. no wonder why there's such a misconception amongst the secular society that many people will go to heaven cause they've been a "fairly good person"
another thing you'll notice about job is that the best advice you can give to a suffering person is simply to sit in compassionate silence; look at the damage that was done by job's 3 friends! i keep seeing how job constantly asked his friends, "why aren't you being supportive?"

man, i haven't read robin cook's stuff in a long time; so when i tried to today, i was a bit confused for a while seeing all the medical jargon he uses; at least i was intelligent enough to know the procedure he was describing at the beginning was the process of cloning by nuclear transfer...

i'm sorry, i meant what cell phones were better... but more or less you can still throw your inputs out...

today's verse of the day:

1st John 2:17
The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever

it never occurred to me just how meaningless the secular life is; i fall victim to it too; like i wasted a TON of time today just marvelling at how i can now do the full 4-hit chain for Psylocke's air combo in MSH today cause of some special setup i found out; and then a voice inside my head hit me; "is that all you can lean on for substanence?" i mean, really, what gives? maybe i really should get back to what my life should be all about... what i intended my summers should be all about...

wow... my mom surprised me by asking me what cell phone deals were better yesterday; i asked why; she said she might be considering to getting me one; so if you guys have any deals you think are good, throw em out on the comment link below; i'm all ears

it's wes' bday today!(kinda makes me wish i had about 30+ already recorded .mp3s, then i could just give him a USB drive for his bday; one chock full of those 30+ songs, that is)

man, i should've gotten up earlier today; i could've gone to CTCC and helped out w/their VBS...

something that confounds me is how some ppl APPEAR to look pumped up for christ during school days; then they come back, and everything looks unchanged... like why the heck do you keep showing up late for church, as well as joining the youth during sunday school, instead of the young adults? i thought you were refined! where's the deeds portion of your faith?

its amazing how sometimes ppl you THINK you know surprise you by paying attention in sunday school, and showing interest

j.forward->j.fierce\/d.c.jab->c.fierceXXqcb+2k,c.short(otg)->c.fierce/\sj.jab->sj.short->sj.forwardxxqcb+2k

sometimes i just wanna be left alone w/God... let me muse in my own thoughts, and let the holy spirit whisper things into my ears; don't bother me or call me up during these times; you ruin the potential there; you and your gotta-always-do-things-in-a-rush-w/others-mentality...

i started on JOB today; i'll comment later tonight or tomorrow...

newest find on the web for me today(will add it to the links sometime later):

Shareware Music Machine

this site's great for songwriters and stuff; you can find all the freeware and shareware music software stuff you ever need, more or less, to record or have fun, music-wise; very useful; chances are, it's linked somewhere here. one of the gems i found yesterday was the Audio Phonics Guitar Tuner; a freeware guitar tuner software program that is IMO THE best guitar tuner i've ever used; just plug either a mic or cable into your sound card, open the program and pluck the guitar strings; the program can even read octaves higher or lower so the correct key isn't a problem. it can even save special key preferences(like if you like playing with 1/2 step down from a drop D a lot); the 1st time i used it, i was surprised just how sensitive the tuner is... personally, i already have a tuner, but this makes it a LOT more convenient if i'm tuning at home; no need to unplug my whole guitar setup, plug into the tuner, just to tune it; all i need to do is just open the program...

i was surprised to see how the discipline of servitude extends beyond the act of serving; more or less any act which puts others first is an act of serving; listening to others, holding others in high regard by not gossipping, etc, are all excellant ways of being a servant... even letting yourself be served is an act of serving(you're recognizing spiritual authority, hence serving others)

joe's belated bday dinner was cool; we went to frankie, joannie, and luigi too! i'm still not really used to ground beef into tomato sauce; the whole thing tastes pretty salty! i had the veal parmigiana from last time... so that was good...

western conference comments on my fave teams there:
looks like minnesota's gonna be formidable again... spree, cassell, KG... i dunno what you did in minnesota phil, but i love it!
spurs... are always gonna be spurs... i hope they counter lakers again this year... go ginobili and duncan!
hope the best for kings, and warriors, as always...
(i hope they broadcast US bball on local TV when it comes up...)

james 2:14,17-19,26; added to my list of bible verses; seriously, it is that important; james emphasizes the important of faith WITH deeds; of course, deeds by itself is legalism... but it is hard to see faith without deeds... it really is...

dude... i just came across the most coolest-looking fender stratocastor picture today when i was venturing in my bro's room; phil has MOUNDS of books/mags for guitars, and in one of the mags, i saw this full-page picture of a completely CLEAR, SEE-THROUGH fender stratocastor(i'll have to show you a pic of it bob); it's beautiful; it was originally worth $1,000, but now it's probably worth 50x+ more than that now! it was the one they showcased to introduce the fender to the guitar world...

oh yeah, i read in reader's digest of how maybe the view of a soul isn't so far-fetched, medically-wise; there were reports of people who were in surgical procedure; brain-dead, but somehow they had an out-of-body-experience and could see themselves being operated upon; doctors still don't buy it, and i'm not surprised; "if they will not even believe moses, then they will not believe when someone rises from the dead" was something jesus said during his life on earth. if you wanna google this, the term used is called "near death experience," or NDE

i thought after MJ left the Wizards that i'd finally ditch my loyalty to them; boy was i wrong; Arenas(damnit! he values money over loyalty) is going to Washington... we will miss you, Gilbert... we really will...

so instead, GSW picks up Speedy Claxton from SAS... i dunno... i believe he's not going to be as good as arenas, but he WAS a good help during game 6 of the finals(parker was of surprisingly NO help during game 6)... bob, you're a spurs-warriors fan, what'd you think?

esther is done... strangely, of all the books in the bible that i have read front to back, this one seems to have no credit to God... it's maybe only implied, and you realize that the jews that refused to go back to jerusalem(remember the 70 years of exile had been over by this time, since Cyrus was the one who liberated the jews, and the reign after him led to Xerxes, the king in this book) and stayed back in persia were more concerned about money and position than God himself. esther also apparently had no concern for being married to a pagan king who apparently treated esther more like a toy than a human being. however, it goes to show how God does watch over his people, even when they don't even know their own father or have their priorities straight... ever notice how well israel is doing compared to its other middle eastern neighbors recently? it's not picture-perfect, but still a lot better...
i don't wanna elaborate on anything more, cause the story almost feels more like a legend than an actual document; it is true though, cause it has been backed up...

this is the discipline of submission, in a nutshell:
"Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34)
and let's remember this: self-denial is not hating yourself; it is putting someone else, mainly God, first, then the people you come in contact with everyday, and then yourself

today's engrish.com cracks me up... homo soap... that's one thing you shouldn't drop in the bathroom! :D

haha... is this me you guys?

Neurotic

read the bio and see how much he and i am related; no, i insist this is NOT me... but look at his bio and what i say about myself in person, especially how he songwrites; pretty similar huh? (i'm gonna have to dl his songs sometime when i get back to school)

looking further at the google searches w/the same name, so many ppl doing successful stuff; UCLA, princeton, driving beemers, and yet look at me... though God would say otherwise

oh yeah; the very first link for a google search for jerm's full first and last name brings up a doctor under the dept of biosci and biotech... lucky boy...

sometimes the human reaction to unfortunate circumstances leads us to just act incredibly weird; we dispise our circumstances, then we begin to hate ourselves, hate God, hate whatever we can think of for the upbringing of our current circumstances, other people... anything that we somehow think is connected to our circumstances... what we all gotta do is just stop, admit your faults, and come back to God, trusting him, then just forget your frustrations and worries, and then thank God...

confronting your fears is perhaps the only way you're ever gonna have release from any anxiety which stems from it...

ok... nehemiah's done, onto esther...

praise night was fun... it was small, there were some people whom i wished should've went, but didn't(wrong priorities, maybe?), but in the end, it did what all praise/prayer nights should've done; set aside a night for intercessory prayer and praise... some of the songs were slow, but i had no big deal with it; when YOU'RE the one leading, nothing's boring(mainly cause i got to pick and fool around with ways to play each song)... although i LOVED the way we transitioned from the 2nd to last song to the last song...

the missionary which spoke on sunday was very intriguing... what i found interesting was how different groups HAVE different views of things... if someone had offered to pay for all the expenses i would need to pay for sending someone to mission school, i would be estatic... but he made a point how the others didn't, simply because they found it was a way they could connect; sacrifice for them meant happiness; which is weird, cause often we're taught that it's not a good thing. he also had a LOT of funky stuff he got... i wouldn't want to get stung by those ants, or get shot by a 7-ft long arrow w/poison on the end... his sermon-message was that if God is really ours, how come we keep straddling the line? or as paul put it, why are we lukewarm? God isn't calling us to be lukewarm and just dump cotton on his foundation; give your best, and lay the best of your life upon it, or don't bother at it; you would've been better off not knowing God and not giving anything at all than being a lukewarm christian and just giving SOME of your all.

i remember hearing these lyrics yesterday on AIR1(still haven't figured out who wrote it, going by the air1 charts):
"don't you know that we are listening for whispers, when we cannot hear the screams/the sun is blinding us and still we look for matches"

Free Ice Cream from Cold Stone

so... anybody wanna visit Valley Fair July 24th w/me? they have Cold Stone... let's raid the place! :D

man, i am sweaty right now; i think i'll go take a shower before i head back to church... worship practice was fun though, and i didn't even know jerm's cousins play the guitar now! the reason i'm sweaty is cause i decided to try to shoot some hoops at farley while janet's team was practicing and bob's team was off...

later guys...

alright, so like i said i would, i read half of nehemiah today; i wanted to finish ALL of it, but it was slightly longer than usual, and i grew tired taking notes, so i'll just finish tomorrow morning... or end up finishing it sunday afternoon, since i may actually get to finish my .mp3 project tonight or tomorrow morning(i seriously wonder if i'm ever gonna finish 3 songs like i wanted this summer though; seems the more i dive into the project the more things i can find wrong sounding with it, it mainly has to do with the fact that i can never get the bass sounds to come out right, but there's other issues, and the more i see them i'm reluctant to finish; uh, hm, i need to pray about this)... anyways:

the 1st half of the book more or less talks about how nehemiah made the journey back to jerusalem to help his people rebuild the wall of jerusalem; think of its importance this way; having a strong, protected wall would keep raiders, robbers, other races out; and since the wall was weak, israel's religion was easily being diluted as the jews didn't feel safe and thus married to other races, and thus slowly began losing their touch of God. now, more or less, the book follows from the perspective of nehemiah. he is seen as a person who is in power, but constantly asks God for help; in fact, for the petition to the persian king, he first put up a prayer to God before asking him, and it worked. also, he is seen as a remarkable leader; when the bordering politicians looked to try to impede the wall-rebuilding progress, by force, he was able to reorganize the workers and spur them on, telling them to be strong and fight for God; apparently nehemiah never separated religion from action. he was also wise enough to see through the personal plots by the politicians on his life, and later, his reputation; while you can find out more by reading chapters 1-6, i think i will elaborate on something new i saw; they tried intimidation one way; by sending him an unsealed letter saying that it could be possible that he was trying to revolt and set himself up as king, then encouraging him to meet with them. obviously it was an attempt on his life, but basically, and unsealed letter meant anyone could read it, which was part of the intimidation; again, he saw through it. then another time one of his associates told him that he knew people were plotting to assassinate him, and thus tried to convince him to go hide in the temple; this was an attempt not to kill him, but tarnish his reputation; i believe only Levites at the time could enter the temple; either that or maybe you can only enter on the Sabbath. but yeah, he saw all through it, and soon the temple was completed. i wish i have THAT resolve and wisdom to see what i wanted to do through.

the more i see it, when you have a slightly above-average height and are playing bball, and have the rock, you don't need flashiness to beat the opponent... although i will see whether this holds up as i play more; i mean i was doing good yesterday against sam, sarah and louis w/me, jerm and jon, but maybe that's cause they weren't guarding me THAT closely(enabled me to get a lot of good shots), and jerm and jon work as a team, making good passes, unlike selfish me(that'll be something i need to work on)... usually i can't figure out how to shake the opponent off of me when they guard me in my face... my spin move's still too unreliable, and frontal crossover's a no-no when you're that close... but then, mj didn't have a lotta ballhandling skills on offense; what made him so good was the shot itself, and the usefulness of the crossover to him, plus his footwork... as i read somewhere online, he beat opponents with his footwork, not his hands... his handwork all came from the shot itself... so maybe i'll just enter each game with that mentality... i still can't figure out how to shake people who are in my face though... i had two highlights yesterday, actually, make that three; one was a defensive monster swat at a shot(i will not comment here because i think it was so utterly funny you had to see it to believe it; jerm and jon were rolling on the ground), the other one was a stutter step right when i had the ball but immediately shifted left and shot the ball(will have to try that more; it worked like a charm), and the last one was a turnaround jumper in midair, like a 180...(so it wasn't a turnaround, then jump and shoot, i actually jumped with my back to the board, twisted myself around, then shot)

i will pray, and keep asking you God, for the desire to create my own songs of worship to show my love for you... please help me... grant me knowledge as to how to edit...

youth group's meeting at valley fair tonight; this should be fun...

and, more or less, i'm spending the entire day at church tomorrow; should also be fun...

wow... i am BREEZING through the old testament now, now that i'm actually trying... today's lesson from ezra; apparently, 70 yrs in exile DID make a difference. before the babylonians had carried off southern israel, the people of judah were fairly ignorant. God sent a buncha prophets, but they wouldn't listen, or heed or repent, you get the idea; judah was a stiff-necked people indeed. however, we see that in ezra, when the people came to ezra telling him how they were intermarrying with foreign peoples and worshipping their gods, that ezra breaks down and prays an intercessory prayer for them; they then all join ezra in mourning and agree to get rid of all their hindrances to God; but we saw that in Joshua right after all the stiff-necked egyptian israelites died off that a new generation full of zeal for God rose up. and so it seems with Christianity; a lot of the people who grow up in hardships are the ones who understand how awesome it is to be close with God; then a nation arises which doesn't suffer the same consequences and the like, and they fall, and so i'm beginning to see how MAYBE a little hardship isn't bad after all; it was good for the israelites...

next up; nehemiah for tomorrow...

go wish fatcheeks(joe) a BIG happy bday if you haven't yet...

i don't really like todd agnew's "this fragile breath" melodically, but i think the lyrics are so true:

I searched the world for a song that I could sing
Praise to my King, A gift that I could bring
But no music I found could compare to You
Not one could do Justice to Your glory
What are my songs compared to Yours

You speak with thunder and lightening
Your voice shakes the mountains
The foundations of the earth
All I can offer is this fragile breath
With each one I'll praise You
With each one I'll praise You more

I searched the world for a poem I could read
A rhyme that would bring Glory to my King
But no writing I found was worthy of
This God high above all other gods
What are my words compared to Yours

Sonicflood- Cry Holy:

Every sun and moon and star
All declaring who You are
We fall silent in amazement
Every word and deed of man
Every sea and grain of sand
All creation speaks
And now we sing to proclaim You majesty

Let the earth rejoice
Singing with one voice
Let the people cry
Holy holy Lord
Every creature sing
Praises to the King
All creation cry
Holy is the Lord
Holy is the Lord

Every song sung on the earth
Will never capture all You worth
We fall silent in amazement
Let every humble heart now see
The beauty of Your majesty
All creation speaks
And now we sing to the King
Above all Kings

All creation proclaims Your majesty
Holy is Your name in all the earth
All creation proclaims Your majesty
And now we sing

forgiveness vs.vengence; the more you think about it, the more it's harder to see how you can be forgiving AND just; some people say you can be just and still forgive(ie punishing clinton by impeaching him but forgiving him); but really, if you had a hard of forgiving, you probably wouldn't punish them at all; think about it; an innner heart reflects an outward attitude; it's like only when you inner feelings of vengence have subsided, THEN you forgive them. so that doesn't really work. now, i'm not one to suggest it was a bad idea to execute the Nazis, or that we shouldn't go after saddam and his two sons(just reading an archive from TIME on the ruthlessness of his 2 sons pisses me off greatly), or osama; of COURSE we should go after them. as long as we set standards of right and wrong we need to uphold those standards. but i'm seeing how much harder it is to TRULY forgive someone if all you're concentrating upon is the punishment. am i wrong? or am i onto something?

i am trying to go about this day without even touching my capcom fighting games or cpu cs; consider it as a sort of fast, like daniel's; i want to see how much more i can get out of this day, as i often waste my time since i go overboard. maybe i should even extend it to the rest of the week and see if i experience any withdrawl symptoms. but the main point of me doing this is to fill myself up with the love of God(and some extra time in the process); besides, my thumbs callouses are pissing me off slightly.

ykno, Ecclesiastes 1 is pretty much true; nothing has changed since then; consumerism thinks that we need to keep filling our eyes and ears with so much stuff to be happy; YOU WON'T BE; life is meaningless. soloman was onto something. pleasure in this life is like chasing after the wind. the eye has never had its fill of seeing, the ear never its share of hearing. so all you can do is cling to God, through whom all blessings flow.

Look! Peace in the Middle East is occurring! :D

i'm gonna close today with this:

If I could write one letter to the world as we know it
I would list these rhymes that mean everything to me
Heartache temporary
Bullets only stop your blood
Pain will live on and on, in everyone
We could change it down

And we could change the world
We could strike the chord
We are the lost one's
We could re-write history
If only you and me

The bottle holds no answers
His lips can only sway
Chemicals imbalance
Who needs them anyway?
Desire is close at hand
Her lips can only sway
There's more to life than this
Don't give yourself away
Don't give yourself away

Amberlin- Change The World

i really like Psalm 51; this is the psalm of a contritefully sorry God-seeking man; i remember reading it during this sunday's communion, and it stuck in my mind so much that i have made the link to it permanently available at the top of my page next to all the other bible verses of mine. i will, and suggest to you, that the next time you feel like you're sorry for sinning against God, but don't know how to express it, go back and read this psalm again.

the other verse that has intrigued me to link it has been 2nd Chron 30:18-20; i read it today; this is an account of Judah during the reign of Hezekiah, when Israel had been wiped off the face of the map... Hezekiah had invited Judah and the remnants of Israel to come to Jersusalem to hold a nationwide passover, since one had not been held since 200 years... a minority of Israel, those who had acknowledged idolatry for the punishment of Israel, and were true followers of God, came... granted, these people didn't have time to consecrate themselves for the passover, and were thus ceremonially unclean. however, hezekiah prayed to God on behalf of them, and i liked what he said here, as basically he reminds God that he looks at the heart and not the ceremony; God obviously remembered that and thus acknowledged the few which came from Israel as one of them; in fact, we see in the next chapter that as soon as the celebration was over, those that came from Israel themselves went to the tribes of Benjamin, Judah, and the 2 tribes of Joseph and rid ALL all the idolatrous objects there were; proof that the inside not only matters, but is often reflected on the outside.

not many of you would probably care about this, but i found out that mercury levels of fish that we eat today aren't necessarily safe; it's only cause not many people whore fish that we pay attention... but basically, in reader's digest, i found out that you shouldn't whore the large fish as much as you would like; the bigger the fish, the more higher their mercury content; mercury has a high chance of messing up your nervous system and making you lose your hair; sometimes death results... but no, don't take this as an excuse not to eat fish :D it's just that you need to eat the big stuff a LOT more sparingly; go easy on the sharks and swordfish, as well as fresh tuna, for instance; for me, even though i like fish, i tend to concentrate upon the small guys; my faves are trout, catfish, seafood, and salmon, so no worries for me there.

it's too bad that modern-day society only teaches you that the only thing to life is being happy and having as much as possible; just like last year, the more i dive back into the spiritual disciplines the more i shun the way mainstream consumerism works.

MLB all-star game tonight(i think); go bonds!

MSH thanos:
sj.dn.roundhouse\/d.s.jab->s.short->s.strong(2 hits)->c.forward/\sj.dn.roundhouse(OTG)\/c.strongXXsoul inf combo,d.c.short->c.strong/\sj.jab->sj.short->sj.strong->sj.forwardXXfierce rush
(one heck of a style combo, and unlike all the other combos he has, is much skill; 16 hits, ~80% damage)

me, tim, jerm, jon, and louis more or less got wes into cs yesterday at jerm's house before and after our bbq... haha... see, wes? cs can be fun! louis had me dying though when he started acting like a punk and flashing wes when they were on the same team whenever a new round started, buying and throwing them on the ground repeatedly... then hearing wes shout "you punk!" or something to that extent in the adjacent room had me rolling on the bed laughing... that of course makes wes run out only to be awped down by tim, leaving a self-blinded louis left on the field for easy pickings... and the fact that i have such an unorthodox cs setting on laptop is sometimes way too funny; when wes started playing on my laptop, you could see him yelling "bomb's here!" and hitting c-6 all over the place, since i have those hotkey'd... then louis starts getting annoyed and yelling back "you don't even know where the bomb is!" louis is way too funny sometimes... and i still can't believe his parents ALWAYS eat at formosa now! the way louis says it is just too funny! "so much variety!" i still regret how none of us even remembered to call up justin; he DID want to come to our bbq; sometimes i wish we'd hang out with him a lot more; he IS, after all, my cousin...

aware of how much crap you hear on the radio on the secular music stations lately? i'm pretty sure you are... or what type of shallow morals mainstream consumerism places upon us?

chevelle - send the pain below

having done with the "solitude" chapter, i have to remind myself, how far have i gone along this discipline? i rarely talk, but often, when i talk, i still don't say meaningful stuff... and that is a problem; solitude isn't about not talking, it's about listening, and only saying meaningful stuff, making your yes be yes, and you no be no, and not only do i have this problem of not saying meaningful stuff, this is something the mainstream society doesn't concentrate upon; we HAVE to talk, and when we do, we have to fill that thing called our ears with as much noise from our tongue as we can. that's not necessary. we act like we have to justify everything we do with the tongue; unnecessary; God will justify us. there is definitely some things that come to you from God that only occur when you are alone inside and outside. i'm believing more and more now that God is not just a god of words; he is also a god of sights, sounds, feelings, intuition, etc... and i would like to be able to experience the "dark night of the soul"

ok, not much has happened since i last wrote stuff down.

saturday:
worship practice; then some discipline stuff w/bob later in the day. i felt that i wasted the day other than those other highlights; i didn't songwrite, wasted the entire day playing video games, and for dinner, pizza hut is so crappy now; my mom thinks that they don't even use real cheese, and i thought they used too little. round table's garlic chicken though is awesome, and worth every cent you buy; mom agrees there.
speaking of which, maybe it's me, but i feel everytime i worship w/the other guys, i feel like i can't hear my electric guitar; maybe i'm too self-centered, or too shy, or that it would sound different if i were in the pews, or maybe it's the pickup itslef, but i feel that maybe others should be able to hear me more; i do realize if i just heard ALL distortion, then nothing else would be heard, but i feel like i can hear everybody else, except for me; it's of course a minor detail for worship in the name of God, but... ykno...
discipline; i think one of the things that intrigued me that i remembered concerning studying the outside events, is this: do we need to? yes and no was what i thought to bob: we should always be prepared to be gone at any moment, so it's unnecessary to be watching, but at the same time, it'd be kinda ignorant to ignore the signs of the times; granted, no one knows the exact time jesus will come back, but you need to keep alert sometimes, ykno? also, remember; studying nature isn't too far from studying God; maybe that's why i have such a STRONG love for biology; chemistry, i feel is a dry science(again, this is just me); but biology IMO teems with life; you wanna see biology in action? go outside, and look at the birds, the beautiful creatures that God made; biology isn't just a science, it's creation in action, and that's maybe what inspires me the most about it.
worship practice we did "in the secret" which is interesting, cause i'm remixing that song my way; it is THIS close to being done, i just need to edit when i get the chance.

sunday:
communion was kinda funny; pdan gave some saying about how we should "ignore the bitterness of the cup, and concentrate on the fragrance of jesus" why'd he do that? cause we actually drank WINE for the cup... imagine that! i chuckled after i drank it, cause it was sweet, then suddenly turned bitter, but it's all good, it was just a small amount. btw, mulling on the bread and cup, 1st corinth says the bread is Jesus' body which is broken for you, and the cup is the covenant in Jesus; this would make sense why Jesus asked those disciples who wanted to be the greatest if they were willing to drink the cup, but didn't say anything about taking the bread; the bread is the salvation, the act of Jesus dying on the cross, the cup is sorta the aftermath of that; the covenant, which similar to wine, is both sweet, and bitter; sweet because you now have the fellowship of Jesus with you wherever you go, but also bitter, because you must deny yourself, take up the cross, and be willing to go through fire. i feel so stupid that i finally got this insight today, when i've been reading that passage all my christian life; it's true though. think about it; jesus never asked if you were able to take the bread; we've all taken the bread; it's whether you can drink the cup.

sunday school; i think i have really taking a liking to daniel and revelation now; seeing the signs of the endtimes; kinda interesting how i heard tim ask a buncha questions too; we're all growing, and actually willing to pay attention to God now. so far, the most evident thing we see of the antichrist would be his false covenant with the jews; it will be for seven years, but midway he will break it and begin to persecute them; this was minutely demonstrated by the greek ruler, but it will be in a magnitude far greater than we can imagine in the future. also, the other main telltale signs are that he will be seen as near dead, or dead, from a fatal wound, but survive it. there will be 1 prophet of his that goes around and has the authority to kill all who refuse to obey him; there's a bunch more, and it really intrigues me.

uh, i'll songwrite tomorrow; the guys are having a bbq/cs lan party today, so... yeah... that'll prob eat up most of my time today.

i think one of my definite pet peeves has to be when people talk to themselves... i almost get pissed at it... those people can seem so strange... hmm... prayer for me, and other people... i'm saying this cause there seems to be a regular chink kid at the saratoga library who ALWAYS talks to himself, and it gets annoying... he also snorts... probably only to me though cause i'm the only one who cares... *sigh*... flash prayers there... reminds me of allen wu when i was still in high school... that weird guy...

XvSF Magneto is so friggin fun to use; he may not be MVC2 Magneto, but you can still rack up high numbers, sometimes in guarenteed damage; i love this corner combo:
kick throw,c.short(OTG)->c.roundhouseXXhyper grav,c.fierce/\sj.roundhouseXXad.df.forward\/c.fierce/\sj.jab->sj.short->sj.strong->sj.forwardXXad.uf.jab->ad.uf.short->ad.uf.strong->ad.uf.forward->ad.uf.roundhouse

now that combo alone is strong enough to take off about say 40% on cyclops; i'm ballparking, but more or less if you do the combo twice(and it shouldn't be too hard, as after doing the combo you should be able to carry the opponent all the way into the other corner), the opponent has about 20% life left; there's also guarenteed magnetic tempest combos you can do with him, which are hard, but oh so damaging...

here's an ALMOST constant: younger siblings always turn out taller than their older siblings, ASSUMING they're the same sex

i should really go to bed earlier; everytime i go to bed late, i wake up late... what is better than getting up early to praise God in the morning? nothing!

that pain in my wrist will probably give new meaning to the words "worshipping God with all your might"; we shall find out later tonight if i can summon myself to continue doing what i WANT to do...

so the new gamepad i got for my cpu isn't bad; granted, it's 2 buttons short, but at least the directional pad works a HECK of a lot better... the buttons seem better too; it's a HECK of a lot easier trying to hit 2 buttons together at one time... i just need to wait til i get the other pad i have fixed... and then, HELLO, 2-player CPS2 gaming! :D a joystick would still be 100x better, but hey, this is still good...

doesn't it amaze you how many people you can turn off to yourself just by slipping the word "religion" into your dialogue? yet we're willing to immediately believe we somehow came from a derivative of the chimpanzee...

ok bob, i'm in the library as i'm typing this right now... i'm trying to flash prayer right now... (after coming back)i'm still concentrating on the "word" aspect of flash prayers all too often though; but i'll get better at it, and learn to flash pictures in my mind to God faster... i'll ask God about it; heh, funny, praying to God to ask how to pray... give me more tips on what you do when you flash-pray bob... like, as you're reading this at work, flash-pray right now... now come back and tell me what you did, i wanna learn more about this...

it's funny how the modern culture places such an emphasis around just surrounding yourself with as many things as possible; yet i bet all those things are MEANINGLESS; why? cause they're empty; that's why you need so many of them to fill you up; yet they don't fill you up; like trying to fill a holed foam cup with water, you have to keep pouring, and pouring, and pouring... the waterline gets nowhere, while the cup just keeps getting aged and aged... you get nowhere... what does it mean to discipline yourself in simplicity? it's not ascetism, and it's not whoring everything to yourself; it is being grateful for what you've got, but you could care less if you lost those things or not... obeying the 10th commandment can indeed be so friggin hard in modern-day culture... but it is worth every ounce...

ok, i'm gonna go; the library's closing; later...

perhaps the most important things to remember as a collegian are this: don't worry, and WAIT... remember this if you feel you are in grade trouble, or unsure exactly where you can go; i have to remind myself of this... for the 1st, go outside and look at nature; notice how the birds of the air and the various other creatures you see can just hang in there? you think God doesn't watch out for even more important beings? so chill; don't worry. the other... is a matter of patience; in today's high-tech society, a lotta times, we want everything NOW... you have to remember that God sometimes answers yes, sometimes no... and sometimes? it's WAIT... it's almost a sure thing that God has the best plan for everyone who believes in him and follows him... but sometimes you need to wait before he'll tell you... so remember; just hang in there...

philippoussis lost... damn... i can't believe how close he was to winning wimbledon... of course jerm is probably happy since philippoussis > agassi... i admit that downed me a bit too, but i do like philippoussis due to his nasty serve...

lesse... if you're looking for some good nostalgia CPU games, go download Jordan vs. Bird; One on One 2; i'd go dl it HERE: http://www.flashback-aw.net/games.php?GameID=1
i love this game; used to play it all the time; now i have it again :D bird is technically better, as he can shoot 3s in addition to playing D, but hey, it's MJ! is there any other reason? and now, i actually know how to use the "shift" key, so i can actually run across the court; pressing left or right w/o shift resulted in a slow-ass dribble; no wonder me and my bro always looked so funny trying to run past each other when we played :) nothing compared to LIVE 2K3 or Sega's NBA 2k3(Sega Sports' NBA 2K series are prob my favorite sports games), but it's still pretty good fun; basically, no spin moves, fadeaways, sideways fading jumpers and no crossovers, but you can do show and gos, pump fakes, and jab steps, as well as run, or just shuffle, so it's not bad; it's actually kinda fun, though sometimes the controls can seem sluggish...

so, this is the 1st time me and bob have met in the summer for discipline training; not bad... hope it keeps up. the important thing is that i practice what i learn... daily...

what else did i do today:

watched T3: what to say... first of all, it's not revolutionary in its ideas anymore(travelling back in time to alter the future isn't so big anymore), but it was enjoyable, in an action-packed way; seems though they were trying for the more comedic effect this time around; without giving any spoilers away, basically they make the T-800 seem a bit funny by it trying to be serious... also, by introducing a blonde female terminator they weren't trying to start anything revolutionary IMO; just induce more of the horny-laden crowd into the theater...

i borrowing the Matt Brouwer CD, so i'll end up listening to that maybe for 1 week...

uh, that's about it; i think i'll songwrite tonight; also, i bought some misc toys from fry's that i wanna try out; nothing really expensive though, just small stuff...

i'll write more tonight... or talk, what not... etc...

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